tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84009670067089781862024-02-08T09:37:55.567-04:00Tantrums, Troubles, and TreasuresClayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-76748566047515580412011-04-25T17:36:00.000-03:002011-04-25T17:36:30.507-03:00Tantrums, Troubles, and Treasures Has Moved!The new home of Tantrums, Troubles, and Treasures can be found at http://www.claytonpaulthomas.com. Hope to see you there. The long awaited book can also be purchased there as well! All my best to you and your families!!!<br />
<br />
Clayton<br />
facebook: claytonpaulthomas<br />
twitter: @claylauren2001Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-58227211480257465212011-01-31T17:58:00.000-04:002011-01-31T17:58:46.890-04:00IllusionsWelcome back my friends! Today's post is going to have two parts to it. The first is comparing public school teachers to illusionists while the second is going to say goodbye (for now). Off we go!!!<br />
<br />
I've always been amazed with illusion. First, you see it; then you don't. They can do card tricks, slight of hand, and even levitate. How they do it, I don't know. But these acts entertain millions and I am one of them. <br />
<br />
One of the tricks that baffle me are the escapes. I know there are secrets as to how they do it but I typically don't know how it's done. When people have their hands tied, handcuffed, and shackled by their feet, escapes shouldn't be possible. Yet, they are time and time again.<br />
<br />
Thinking about these incredible acts, it strikes me as amazing that teachers are supposed to make the magic happen much like an illusionist no matter how unrealistic the trick really is. Here are some examples.<br />
<br />
1. Teachers aren't handcuffed but they are significantly restrained by what they can and can't do. For example, when discipline problems exist in the classroom, there is not much a teacher can do besides deal with it to the best of their ability. Remember, every minute spent dealing with a behavior issue is a minute taken from your child's education. The time lost is not accounted for when future tests are taken.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, there's not a lot an administration can do as well. I remember as a teacher some colleagues would get mad at the principal and the counselor because of their lack of help. The problem is there are hundreds of kids in a school and they have a laundry list of things that have to be accomplished. In all my years, I never caught a principal or counselor playing card games on the computer or sitting around doing nothing.<br />
<br />
2. Teachers are expected to solve what appears to be an unsolvable mystery. What is a teachers job? Simplistically, most of us would say to teach. But, since teachers are evaluated on test scores, what happens when they are low? Does it mean a teacher spent almost 10 months with a kid and didn't teach? That seems a bit unlikely.<br />
<br />
Test scores are obviously a quantifiable measure of progress. But, this isn't like working the line at Ford Motor Company. The parts aren't all the same. Yet, teachers are supposed to produce a highly qualified and highly efficient test taking machine. Does this mean I disapprove of testing? No. Does it mean I approve of standardized testing? Not really. Again, it's an unsolvable mystery to me.<br />
<br />
One of the main differences between an illusionist and teacher is this. An illusionist only appears to have an unsolvable mystery. With teachers, it's real. <br />
<br />
3. Teachers are expected to "perform" like illusionists with kids even if they aren't ready for the course work. When a third grade teacher has to work with a 1st grade brain (happens a lot more than you may think) then either you give the kid extra instructional time (which means the other kids get less) or partially neglect the kid (in the air of fairness to the others) or totally neglect the kid (in order to work with the other kids who are on or closer to grade level). There are not too many more options for teachers. Whatever direction the teacher goes will directly influence your child.<br />
<br />
The grandest illusion of all is when parents believe schools will solve the problems. The public has been fed the same line way before I started teaching and year after year, there are many parents who believe them. That's why they get so mad at the system when problems occur. They actually were fooled in believing it was going to work to begin with. While it's frustrating even to me at times, I don't get surprised or upset. I have responded by educating my kids to the best of my ability and wrote a blog almost 6,000 people have hit telling you all about it and what to do. <br />
<br />
Teachers work very hard but many are in a "box" they can't escape. I was in that box as well and didn't realize it until years AFTER I left the profession. When I taught, I can guarantee you I worked a lot of hours, ran a disciplined classroom, and taught the lessons I was expected to teach to the best of my ability. There were kids who exploded with knowledge as the school year progressed. There were others though who I couldn't help enough and continue to be "shackled" to this day.<br />
<br />
Please keep a finger on the pulse of your children's education and help whenever you can. Don't get caught up in the illusions. I promise you'll never regret a minute of life working with a child you love. <br />
<br />
************************************************************************************<br />
As I said before, this will be my last post for a while. I try not to say never because I know better. For those who have been following, you know I wrote a parenting book and am looking for the right publisher. It takes an extraordinary amount of time to do this. I am to the point where this needs to be my focus. The purpose of the blog was to help great parents become even better and to get my name in the cyber world. I truly feel I have accomplished both in a big way and had a lot of fun in the process.<br />
<br />
I have had many people ask me about the book and when it will be available. I am not sure but if anyone who has followed my work would like to purchase a copy down the line, shoot me an email. If and when the book is published, I am sure I will be deep in the blogosphere again.<br />
<br />
As far as people who have submitted parenting questions, I plan on responding to you privately. If you are going to take the time to ask a question, I should take the time to answer it to the best of my ability. This blog will also stay up indefinently. If you have a question in the future, feel free to shoot me an email. My door will stay open for you.<br />
<br />
I wasn't sure how to end this blog until I checked my Twitter messages (@claylauren2001) about 10 minutes ago. A girl I've never met wrote to me "we are beginning an adoption process from an orphanage and wanted some tips." I fully admit I teared up a bit. Anyone who knows my past would understand why. If I help this stranger out in the smallest bit, all the hours spent in the creation, promotion, and writing of this blog will have been worth it. <br />
<br />
Thanks again to everyone who has made this blog the success it's been. Thanks for telling your friends. Thanks for your comments. Thanks for your words of encouragement. If all goes well, maybe I'll be in a town near you someday signing my book.<br />
<br />
Goodbye (for now) from the world of Tantrums, Troubles, and Treasures.<br />
<br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=0783216d-d041-499d-aeda-62ae5b9468c9" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-79065696427903419372011-01-28T08:52:00.000-04:002011-01-28T08:52:58.232-04:00Handling FailureI am glad to have you back again! I am noticing some of my parenting questions getting more difficult. I think some of you out there are trying to test me. Well, bring it on because I asked for it. There is an email address on the right side of the screen all questions can be sent to. If I don't think I can answer your question, I'll send you a return email privately. Please be patient with me. I only answer one question per week for now. On that note, buckle up because this ride will not be pretty. <br />
<br />
Today's question is from "Amy" who asks "How should I respond to my child who has failed at things important to her?" Amy mentioned grades and a cheer leading team as examples.<br />
<br />
First of all, allow me to be blunt- failure stinks. What I would like to impart to you is our children do not have the same mental capacity to handle a failing situation like most of us do as adults. There were times when I was a kid that I failed and my mom (God bless her) would give me the ol shake it off speech in one way or another. "Shake it off Clay. It will be just fine." Another line used more than once went something like, "It won't even matter when you are an adult." (But mom, I am only 11)<br />
<br />
I'm not angry in the least at my mom but the truth is she didn't know what to do or what to say. I would be willing to bet there are a lot of parents who mean well just like my mom but don't know what to do as well.<br />
<br />
The first glimpse I had at looking at what was perceived as failure through the eyes of a child came at St. Joseph Children's Home. I'll guarantee few parents who read this will understand failure like a child who goes through an adoption fair, doesn't get "picked" and watches one of his buddies who does. I won't get into the process but it goes on for quite a while before the adopted kid actually leaves. Therefore, everyday the "chosen" kid is still at the home is a reminder for the unpicked child.<br />
<br />
Some of the children in these cases were inconsolable for a while. It was really hard on me personally to watch these things happen even if I was happy for the newly adopted child. This was especially true when a kid looked right in my eyes and asked that familiar question, "Why couldn't it have been me?" Another of my heart wrenching "favorites" was "What's wrong with me?" <br />
<br />
I told you that story because I had a general response/attitude that worked for me in these dire times and I hope it works for you as well. My response was something like "I know things didn't work out for you but I'm right here and I think the world of you." The only reason this worked for me was because the relationship I had with certain kids was top notch. Anything less, and the kids would have interpreted my words as pure B.S. In these moments, that is the last thing a kid needs.<br />
<br />
When it comes to Amy and her question. Grades come and go but if they are important to the child, then they should be to you. Let's pretend, for example, we are talking about a math grade. I would display a nurturing attitude with a tough undertone (because that is my nature). Here's how this would look. <br />
<br />
I'd put my arms around Amy's kid and let her cry. When she was finished, I'd let the child know how smart she is and that we were going to work through this problem together. In the ensuing days though, if I ever saw the kid slacking on the math work, I wouldn't be quite as nurturing. I'd give subtle reminders of how that math grade made her feel and encourage her to stay focused.<br />
<br />
Cheerleading is pretty much the same story. Any time a child doesn't make a team, it is devastating because of (1) the feelings of failure for not making the team and (2) having to face the peers at school who did. Although the math grade may be more important to you as a parent, the cheerleading problem may be harder in the eyes of the child. After all, the math grade is private.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:YouthCheerleadingPompons.jpg" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Photo taken at a public event of event partici..." height="199" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2a/YouthCheerleadingPompons.jpg/300px-YouthCheerleadingPompons.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="300" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> </span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It is not easy to face the girls who beat you in school</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
I'd like to know why she didn't make the team by talking to the coach. (Don't pressure the coach to include the child on the team). Find out what she can improve on and attack the weaknesses if the child is willing. If not, it may be a good idea to find another sport which she is better suited. Let the choice be hers. <br />
<br />
As all of us know, failure is a part of life. No one succeeds at everything. But, the effective parent will get down on the child's level, help them through the pain, and teach towards the future. <br />
<br />
<br />
Thanks to all who stopped by today. If you think this post is worthy please pass it along to another family. <br />
<br />
This Monday, I will be back with an education blog. I am going to write the illusionists piece I premised last Friday and some similarities they have with teachers. Break out your magic wands and hidden keys and I'll see you Monday. <br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=3d106639-d21d-4cc8-8322-cfc717aeaf40" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-88876338967698547272011-01-26T09:55:00.001-04:002011-01-26T12:37:36.597-04:00Competing for MamaToday's behavior blog will focus on the relationship some children have with their mothers. In my home, the boys really like their mommy time. I used to joke that when my oldest son was smaller, he was mommyfied. (I know spell check- it's not really a word) The competition for mom's time is fierce. They are competing with dads, the television, the internet, the phone, and their siblings. What is it about mothers? More specifically, what is it about mothers versus fathers when it comes to competing for time? <br />
<br />
Even as a stay at home dad, the boys competition over mama is much greater than their competition for my time. For example, I could be on the phone 20 minutes without being disturbed. My wife can't be on the phone 20 seconds before I am shooing a child away from her. One may think I could be sore about this lack of gripping attention. Quite the contrary. I could have guessed this would have happened even before I had kids because I saw the same things at St. Joseph Children's Home.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">There's something about moms and their ability to connect with small children. One of my theories is that it has to do with affection. It could be that mom is home more or that when she is home, more of her time is spent touching children (in appropriate manners). At. St. Joseph's we had some strong willed women who could show affection as well. They were dedicated and really knew their business. Children gravitated to them especially in time of need. As a matter of fact, in our youngest department with kids ranging in age from 3 to 5, I would approximate women logged over 95% of the hours. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">What's interesting to note is that when I worked alone, the children would open up in the exact same manner when they needed anything. But, they didn't compete for my time. This also held true in the classroom where I obviously worked alone. In other words, I didn't have children crying for their moms when I was teaching. Although I wasn't out to win any popularity contests, most of my students really liked me. This has led me to believe that while children will take affection from dad, there are times they would rather have it from mom if there is a choice. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/11889819@N00/56318935" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Bill Cosby" height="187" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/28/56318935_3e45615528_m.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="240" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">Bill Cosby performing "Himself."</span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;">These beliefs reminds me of an old Bill Cosby comedy routine which spoke to the power of moms. Basically, he said he was hoping for a son to be a great football player one day. Many hours would be spent working with the kid to be the best he could be. Due to the time and hard work, the kid could go on to a major university, score a touchdown, stare into the television camera afterward, and yell, "Hi mom!" The stumped look on Cosby's face will forever be etched in my mind.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I've always felt there was a lot of truth to be garnered from that skit. Moms are special and I've never met a man who could really take their place. Even though the opposite is true as well, I've never actually witnessed children competing for a dad's time or at least not nearly on the same level. Keep in mind I know there are homes out there where this precisely happens but with all my experience, I would have assumed seeing it by now. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I believe my boys would perch on my wife's legs all day if we would let them. The only time they have ever been disciplined for hanging on mom too much is when I can tell she's getting a bit tired of it. (Even then, I'm not too hard on the boys). The only thing that bothers me from time to time is with all the competition for mom's attention; I worry mom doesn't win often enough. By that I mean if other mothers are like my wife, when do you carve the time and place all the attention on yourself? At. St. Joseph's, it was different because the house parents were compensated employees. All the house parents (outside of myself and a couple of other ladies) also had their own homes.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">As a dad, I really feel one of my roles is to encourage and prop up my wife on the highest pedestal possible. Of course, she will read this and get emotional (because her husband is so great) but the truth is I have an alternative motive. I want my boys to have the deepest respect and love for their mom because in some way, it translates to being a good man, a good husband, and one day, a good father. If this means competing and /or clinging on to my wife for a small period of time in their lives, so be it. These days won't last forever. One day, the competition will be over and, in the end, all of us will hopefully be winners.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I guess the lesson in the end to all parents but especially to the dads- be patient with your kids. Back away from time to time and let the kids have their time with mom. But when you see your better half getting a little tired, be there to peel the kids away for a while. This is a competition after all. The kids do not get to win every time. (wink) </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">All my best to parents and children who still cling to their momma's legs (figuratively and literally). I'll be interested to read the comments. I'd like to know if there is a competition for mama in your home and how it is handled.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I read an interesting parenting question I would like to answer on Friday. The general topic concerns kids failing and how it has been handled on the children I have worked with. I look forward to having you back on this road of tantrums, troubles, and treasures. (or as my father in law calls it: t-cubed) </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">One final note: If you know any parents who have small children who "compete for mama," please consider passing this blog along. I certainly hope it helps by letting them know they are not alone. </span><br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=a7a5c9d2-5333-44ff-ac65-bf0f9475d7a5" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-48406262505073860342011-01-24T07:36:00.000-04:002011-01-24T07:36:55.925-04:00Education Children DeserveGood Monday morning to all of you. Before I get started on today's topic, I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for coming. Over the weekend, my blog surpassed 5,000 hits. Considering this blog is about 3 months old and there were two major holidays, I'm very humbled- thank you.<br />
<br />
I would also appreciate a bit of understanding for today's blog. Last Friday, I teased a post that was going to compare illusionists to teachers. That post is laid out on paper and ready to be written. Over the weekend though, a story in my local newspaper really struck a nerve. After conferring with my editor (me) I am going to address it instead.<br />
<br />
My question today is what type of education do children deserve? This question has tugged at me for a while. This leads me to the article in the newspaper that had to do with the Wade County school district in Raleigh, North Carolina and its plan to move toward neighborhood schools. Of course, there is a public outcry like in a lot of cases where a major change is being made. Both sides of the aisle have their strong supporters and neither side wants to give an inch.<br />
<br />
I can certainly see why neighborhood schools makes sense. Obviously, parents could be more involved in the school and there would be a huge savings in the cost of busing. There is also a dirty little point to be made as well. In many schools, if you were to eliminate the lower economic families by sending them back to their neighborhoods- test scores would most likely shoot up immediately at those schools. That would make certain principals, teachers, and remaining kids look very good.<br />
<br />
The argument against neighborhood schools is equally as compelling. Some people would claim that diversity of race and cultures is a good thing. Neighborhood schools would eliminate that in many areas. Another point is we had neighborhood schools as late as the 1960's. How did that work out for us? Finally, if we went to neighborhood schools, some schools in hard hit economic areas would most likely fail miserably. What would we do then?<br />
<br />
If you are someone who has read my blog for a while, you know that I really advocate working with your children and relying as little as possible on the school system. The argument over neighborhood schools is the latest reason. We had these same debates and many others 11 years ago when I started teaching. Despite any changes that were made, not much has helped when you compare the data.<br />
<br />
For what it is worth, the first school I taught in (Portland Elementary in Louisville, Kentucky) was a neighborhood school and it was a nice place to work. We had our share of problems (academically) but we made strides and improved test scores every year I was there. After I left, the principal I worked for retired. A new principal was brought in and (from what I can see) has done some great work including improving the test scores. The improvements may not be enough in the eyes of some people though. Being that I worked there and know the neighborhood, I would say the school should be proud its accomplishments. <br />
<br />
As far as whether I think there should be neighborhood schools; here's the truth. Neighborhood schools are a great idea but there is a huge drawback. The drawback is I doubt if they will work in many areas. Let me explain.<br />
<br />
In order for neighborhood schools to work in my opinion, there has to be an understanding that there will be areas where poverty, discipline, and overall culture will be at an all time low. These area would have to be inundated with the brightest educational minds the district could muster. The student- teacher ratio would have to be extremely low (6:1 would be ideal). There would have to be at least 2 full time assistants for every class. Teachers would have to have a 25% pay increase over their peers at higher performing schools (based on educational rank and seniority) directly hired by the principal. Because of the lack of overall space and to keep the ratios low, two full time teachers would most likely have to team teach in every room. It is very possible two full time security guards would be needed in each school as well. Even if all these ideas were to happen, it would take years to see tangible results because the kids are that far behind. In short, this is simply not going to happen. <br />
<br />
Before any of these ideas could be implemented, one more thing would be needed as well- cooperation. I am talking about the teachers, principals, unions, school boards, local and state government, and, of course, parents. If it is one thing I have seen over the years, these groups have their own agendas and getting along with each other is not one of them. It is sad but true. <br />
<br />
So what kind of education do children deserve? That's not a question any school can answer (unless you want to hear the standby answer- students deserve the best education possible). Rather this is a question only you, the parent, can answer. Here's my advice for what it's worth. Your job should be to let the talking heads fight, beat each other up, and get little accomplished. These people are good at it and have been mastering the art for many years. The names may change but the results generally stay the same.<br />
<br />
I understand you can debate me on this by citing your tax dollars for instance. I understand your concerns should be heard as well. I also understand your voice is important. But, what I understand the most is that time is ticking when it comes to your kids. I've made my decisions concerning my children and have been very pleased with the results. My hope is for you to be equally happy with the educational progress of your kids. <br />
<br />
In the meantime, I want you to continue working diligently with your kids on their reading and math especially. Take an active interest in your child's report cards and focus on your kids areas of weakness. It is also a good idea to form support groups with other parents and have study nights. (Ever heard the saying it takes a village to raise a child) The point is the more you take control of your kids future, the less you have to worry about what a school is going to do.<br />
<br />
Usually, my blog posts are more light-hearted or have a humorous twist. The truth is that debates such as neighborhood schools angers me because I think of the kids I used to teach. Most are not receiving a good education today (though I bet their teachers are working hard) and I wish there was more I could do. <br />
<br />
This Wednesday will be the long awaited behavior blog called <u>Competing for Mama</u>. I will lay out some insights and the opinions may surprise you. <br />
<br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=2d78ba07-1d7c-4d26-a0a5-c8ef3e2e5b2f" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-66561708666564529492011-01-21T08:51:00.000-04:002011-01-21T08:51:43.975-04:00Is it OK to Lie to My KidsHappy Friday to all of you. I'm so pleased you have come back to my blog to read this intriging topic from a person I'll call Joan. As I was thinking about the answer to today's question, I felt like I was going through a minefield. It seemed at every turn, I would make an argument that would eventually blow up. Hopefully though, I've thought this out well enough. Joan (and all of you) can make your own decisions as to whether I am correct. <br />
<br />
Perhaps the best way to start is to lay out my definition of a lie. Therefore, according to Dictionary.com, a lie is "A false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive."<br />
<br />
Joan had some good points to be considered. She wants her children to know that lying is not the right thing to do. I would think most of us would agree with that. She also thought she was being hypocritical if she lied to her kids but enforced the fact that her kids should not lie. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;"></div>I may be making a bold statement but I would bet a vast majority of my readers have or will lie to their children for some reason. For example, who places money under their child's pillow when they loose a tooth? How about who comes sliding down the chimney on December 25th? Finally, who is the best parenting blog writer on the planet? (all right, I made the last one up) While I realize I have readers all over the world, I hope you get my point even if you don't participate in these particular falsehoods.<br />
<br />
The prior examples are what I call lies of innocence- We tell "stories" to our children to celebrate a certain time or event on their level. While I understand that it is still lying by definition, I don't believe there is any harm. Therefore, you can bet that the Easter bunny will be making a stop at my house in April. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged" style="clear: both; float: none; text-align: center;"><a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Easterbunnypa.jpg" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="I was driving through Hamburg when I seen this..." height="320" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/50/Easterbunnypa.jpg/300px-Easterbunnypa.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="240" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">Image via <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Easterbunnypa.jpg">Wikipedia</a></span></span></div><br />
There are other lies though which aren't so innocent. Several months ago, I was told a story by a "friend" which really bothered me. Basically, this person's mother lied to my friend about who their father really is. This person didn't find out the truth until her adult years and has understandably been very bitter since. <br />
<br />
In my opinion, lying and whether it is OK can be found in the circumstances. (Now we are getting in the deep weeds because everyone has to define their own circumstances). Although I am not big into lying to children, I can certainly recognize situations as to why it is done. Except for the lies of innocence, I've often told children I would rather tell the truth and hurt their feelings rather than lie. For the most part, I've stuck with it over the years and haven't regretted it yet. <br />
<br />
I will say that for any of us, we are taking a risk when we lie even if it is a lie of innocence. The risk is that we will eventually be caught. If and when that happens, will the modeling we have perpetrated rub off on our kids? In other words, will they believe it is all right to lie based on what we have modeled? Also, will our overall credibility with our kids be less? If so, how can we teach future lessons they will listen to and follow? Finally, as in my prior example concerning the lie about my friends dad, will the lie(s) cause severe harm to the relationship with our children? <br />
<br />
I'd like to believe I select my lies carefully. While I am the guy singing the accolades about the tooth fairy, I wouldn't tell my kids on a hot summer day, "when the ice cream man passes and his bell is ringing; that means he is all out." Some people may not believe there is a difference because lying is lying. In the end, it really is a personal decision. <br />
<br />
To sum it up for Joan, is it ok to lie to your kids? Probably not. But, I don't think when my children learn the truths behind some of the little lies, it will affect them or their ability to tell the truth due to the nature of the lie. Only time will tell if I am right and that's no lie.<br />
<br />
<br />
On Monday, I will be throwing an education blog your way. Over the weekend, I would like you to think of your favorite magicians/illusionists. Their "escapes" from situations are pretty amazing, aren't they? I'm going to compare these performers with teachers in some of your kids classrooms.<br />
<br />
Have some fun with your family this weekend and I'll see you Monday!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=c2fbfdb3-5fd6-4c88-8bc2-218470c728d6" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-68521543563462681202011-01-19T09:20:00.000-04:002011-01-19T09:20:15.279-04:00Note of ApologyToday's behavior blog (Competing for Mama) is not available. I stayed up late last night and placed the final touches on it. This morning, I woke up to reread the completed piece and post it only to discover that most of it was gone. Rather than rush my way through it this morning, I am going to save it for the behavior blog next Wednesday.<br />
<br />
This Friday, I am going to write an answer to another parenting concern. Here's the question: "Is it ok to lie to my children?"<br />
<br />
Take care,<br />
<br />
Clayton ThomasClayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-38248589576465009182011-01-17T07:22:00.001-04:002011-01-17T10:44:58.430-04:00Why Reading Stinks!Have you ever wondered why some kids love to read while others seem allergic to books? Today's post will not make every kid a reader overnight but it may give a few insights as to why kids feel as they do about reading. <br />
<br />
When I was an elementary teacher, I had to assess kids immediately so I could know where their reading skills were compared to where they should be. What I also informally assessed were their attitudes on reading and I came up with some common themes.<br />
<br />
First though, let me clear some misconceptions to make sure we are on the same page. There is a line I draw between reading and decoding and this difference is important.<br />
<br />
Decoding is when a child pronounces words properly from whatever they are reading. When I worked with kids though, I defined reading as decoding plus "knowing what the heck you are talking about." A simple example would be when a child reads a stop sign. A child who decodes that word (like my youngest son) has no idea why the sign is there or what to do. An older child though could decode the stop sign, know why it is there, and have a clear picture in his/her mind as to what is going on. <br />
<br />
Now, let's get to why reading stinks.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Fly-Space-Shuttle-Action-Books/dp/0751356255%3FSubscriptionId%3D0G81C5DAZ03ZR9WH9X82%26tag%3Dzemanta-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0751356255" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img (action="" alt="Cover of " books)="" fly="" height="300" shuttle="" space="" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51RBPV169YL._SL300_.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" the="" width="216" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Fly-Space-Shuttle-Action-Books/dp/0751356255%3FSubscriptionId%3D0G81C5DAZ03ZR9WH9X82%26tag%3Dzemanta-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0751356255"><br />
</a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Picture was found after writing my Space Shuttle point. I couldn't resist.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: right;"></div>1. Reading stinks because sometimes the material is either too hard to decode or comprehend. It would be like giving many people a book called "How to Fly the Space Shuttle." I'm sure there are some adults who couldn't decode all of the terminology (including myself). Others may decode it but really wouldn't have a firm grasp on how to do it. Just like children, if your space shuttle manual was too long, complicated, or confusing, you would probably get tired of it as well.<br />
<br />
<br />
2. Reading stinks because there's no one to share it with. In a classroom, I didn't have this issue but at home, any parent could. If a child is forced to read at home while the adult watches TV, talks on the phone, or plays on the internet, it appears to the child that reading has taken a backseat in their life. To make matters worse, if a child doesn't have a nice quiet area to read and has to watch their siblings playing while they are working; their concentration would be so far gone, it would make reading nearly pointless.<br />
<br />
3. Finally, reading stinks because the material is boring. When a child is forced to read material they don't like, it can turn them off from the process all together. While I will grant you sometimes kids have to read things in school they don't want to, I would hate to think we make children read so many boring things that they despise reading all together. That would be a shame. <br />
<br />
Remember in the beginning of the post when saying that I informally assessed attitudes about reading? Here's why. In the beginning of every school year, my job (as I perceived it) was to get a child's attitude in the right direction concerning reading. It was more important than even the subject itself. Some kids had a negative attitude about reading or a complete lack of confidence. I had to get these things turned around as quickly as possible because if I didn't, teaching the subject would have been useless. <br />
<br />
As adults, we choose what we want to read but when working with kids, we should be mindful of our choices. If, as adults, we pass on to our children "reading stinks" by our actions, our kids are much less likely to be good readers. It's really important to take an active role in reading because our children are always watching us. A parent can take an active role by reading themselves but they can also help by taking an interest in what their kids are reading. <br />
<br />
I found this out recently when I was sitting on a couch reading a book. My oldest son walks up to me and says "I thought only mom read books." The reason my child said this is because I don't read a lot of books. I wasn't aware though he was observant of this. I explained to him I read books occasionally but I like newspapers and magazines more. Kids are much more observant than we think so it's important to give the best impressions possible. <br />
<br />
The truth is reading really stinks for some kids but it doesn't have to. There are things we, as parents and educators, can do to help kids if we choose. Though reading is not a skill learned overnight, it is one that will last a lifetime.<br />
<br />
This Wednesday, I will be back with my behavior blog. The title will be "Competing for Mama" and I think you'll find it pretty interesting. All my best to you and the ones you love. <br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=783aa2b0-1c75-437a-9b70-6bca4439c3cb" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-51154664465873431312011-01-14T09:05:00.000-04:002011-01-14T09:05:11.716-04:00How Do I KnowToday's question actually came from a friend several month's ago. "Rick" and his wife have an infant son. Rick is a great guy but tends to worry (like many parents) and sometimes that worry leads to asking loaded questions. Rick's specific question to me was "How do I know if I am doing a good job (being a father)?" Though today's answer applies to fatherhood, women should take note. Many of the things I am going to talk about applies to mothers as well. Therefore, I am going to direct my answer to Rick towards parents in general. <br />
<br />
The reason I call this a loaded question is it depends on what one's definition of a good parent is. I gave him an answer that sufficed for the time being. I wanted to share that answer but I also wanted to expand on it because I've had several months to think about it since. Keep in mind this is a blog not a book. I'm certain to leave out some important details and that's where you come in. If you believe after reading this I left something out, feel free to add it to the comments section at the bottom of the post.<br />
<br />
One of the keys in assessing Rick's "job" performance occurred when he questioned himself. Reflection is a big theme in my Tantrums, Troubles, and Treasures book and it certainly applies here. I wonder if Rick is trying to model himself after someone else and if so, how is he doing? Before I get any trailblazers piping up, remember that parenting has been going on since the beginning on man. Odds are most of your good (and bad) ideas with kids have probably been used by someone before you. As for me, I've modeled myself after specific men and women from St. Joseph Children's Home. It is a good thing I listened and learned because I did not grow up with a father. <br />
<br />
Another key is what are you providing to your child to help him/her grow? I'm sure there are many things but some that come to mind are religious beliefs, time, finances, love, caring, education, understanding, discipline, sympathy, and direction. Generally speaking, parents would claim they provide these things so let's push the idea. Which areas are your weakest and should be attacked now? When you figure out that answer and attack it, you're doing a better job as a parent already. <br />
<br />
The truth, in the end, as to how you are doing as a parent can be seen in the eyes of your child. As they are growing up, are they reflecting the values you are teaching them? Are they someone to be modeled by other children; or someone to be avoided? Are they respectful to all adults and specifically, their mother? These answers can be found quickly. All a parent has to do is pay attention. Another piece of the puzzle is once you find the answers, do you settle or do you continue to parent and build upon these traits.<br />
<br />
<span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged"><a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:US_Supreme_Court_Building.jpg" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="US Supreme Court building, front elevation, st..." height="225" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/32/US_Supreme_Court_Building.jpg/300px-US_Supreme_Court_Building.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="300" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 300px;">Image via <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:US_Supreme_Court_Building.jpg">Wikipedia</a></span></span>Possibly this story will sum it up best. I remember hearing about a 1964 Supreme Court case (Jacobellis v. Ohio) where they were talking about whether a movie was pornographic. I am paraphrasing but Justice Potter Stewart said, "I can't define pornography; but I know it when I see it." When you see good parenting occurring, take mental notes and apply them when the time is right. Many times, the "job" of a parent is to read, react, and regroup. I'm sure if you can accomplish this, not only are you a good parent but you're going to get better every day.<br />
<br />
My next blog will be posted Monday and it will focus on an educational theme. Until then, have a great weekend!<br />
<br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=9d82be30-ffb3-4298-aa06-a99517cb555d" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-27921181656483646802011-01-12T10:36:00.001-04:002011-01-12T16:52:19.681-04:00Anticipating BehaviorThanks for coming by the Wednesday behavior edition of my blog. Today we're going to learn how to be mind readers (almost) and talk about a topic that really sets parents apart. I will warn you though that this is an easy topic to grasp on a broad scale but applying it to specific situations can be tricky. The key to being good at anticipating behavior takes time, practice, reflection, and sometimes a little luck. Here we go! <br />
<br />
In all my time working with others at St. Joseph or as a teacher, the anticipation of behavior could be pinpointed as an area that set people apart. In other words, those who could do it were easy to work with and those who couldn't.... (recess anyone?) Certain house parents were hard to work beside because they couldn't see the next move from the children they were working with. Sometimes parenting is similar to a chess match. Good chess players may know the basic tenets of the game but great ones know how to win by anticipating and out thinking their opponent. Here's a couple of examples to illustrate the point.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
<tr><td valign="top"><br />
</td></tr>
<tr><td valign="top"><br />
</td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged" style="clear: both; float: none; text-align: center;"><a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:JaquesCookStaunton.jpg" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="An example of early-style Staunton Chess Set" height="136" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f7/JaquesCookStaunton.jpg/300px-JaquesCookStaunton.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="300" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> </span></span></div><br />
My mother used to babysit my oldest child while I was still teaching. One day, she walked out of her house for some reason and Cameron came behind her and locked the door. He was probably 2 1/2 at the time. There was no way for her to get back in. She left the house (what choice did she have) and walked down the road to where her brother in law lived. Eventually, they found a way to get in but, as best I remember, the process took 45 minutes or so with an unsupervised child in the house. <br />
<br />
This story has stuck with me so every time I leave the house to get the mail, bring in the trash cans, or grab the newspaper, I always bring my house key. Wouldn't you know about a month ago, my youngest child did the same thing to me. Luke thought it was pretty funny until I used my key to get back inside. After I got in, he wasn't exactly laughing. <br />
<br />
No one is perfect at this skill though. I'm certainly not the Anticipation King so here's a story that will prove it. About a week and a half ago, I was upstairs when I noticed half the doorknob had been taken off on the guest bedroom door. The screwdriver was sitting on the night stand. Obviously, my wife did it. Why, you may ask? I have no idea. (If she reads this, I'm sure it was for a good reason- wink wink)<br />
<br />
Upon seeing this, I knew it should be fixed but I was busy at the time and thought I would get to it later. A couple of hours passed and I was in the basement working on a blog. My oldest son came to the top of the steps and yelled, "Dad, mom needs you." I would like to tell you I jumped out of my chair and glided to my wife to alleviate her concern. The truth is I walked up the stairs thinking, "what now?"<br />
<br />
Lauren was at the bedroom door clearly flustered. My youngest son had gone into the guest bedroom, shut the door and pulled out the other side of the door handle. Unfortunately, the door locked and he was trapped. Of course, the screwdriver I wanted was still inside the room. I worked with the door for a minute but couldn't find the trigger to release it. It was at that point when I went into "man mode" and determined I needed my hammer. <br />
<br />
By the time I made it back upstairs with my tool of destruction, Lauren had worked with the door some more and successfully unlocked it. When the family went downstairs, I reattached the doorknob, heavily taped the lock on the inside part of the door, and brought the screwdriver downstairs.<br />
<br />
Had I only anticipated things properly, I could have avoided the whole fiasco. Sometimes, that's what happens. You mess up, reflect on how you messed up, and learn form it.<br />
<br />
This Friday, I will return to answer another parenting question. Hopefully, I will not be answering any questions about doorknobs or hardware supplies. I also want to thank my readers who looked at last Friday's post A Good Problem to Have. There were almost 400 hits and 23 comments as best I remember. All the support is greatly appreciated!!! <br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=692960da-abba-4596-b51f-16b19aec32cf" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-42553004250540570552011-01-10T08:40:00.001-04:002011-01-12T16:56:09.453-04:00Inventive SpellingHappy Monday to all of you. Today's education blog is going to give you another inside look to what is going on in some schools around the country. I believe when parents are informed- children will benefit so let's dive in. <br />
<br />
D U C Dat? (Did you see that) In a nutshell that is your first lesson in a practice known as inventive spelling. A trend that seems to be growing every year are the growing number of high school students who can't read or write on grade level. There are several reasons leading to this problem but I believe you can look at inventive spelling as one of the factors.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/45716980@N00/5097717669" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="I love this inventive spelling" height="240" src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1198/5097717669_7d3be71ea9_m.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="179" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I still haven't figured this out.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: right;"></div><br />
Wut r u talkin abowt? (What are you talking about) I'm talking about kids in school who write assignments for their teachers based on how the words sound to them as opposed to the proper spelling. Instead of being corrected by these educators, they are praised for their effort and creativity. <br />
<br />
The reason this concept is so important for parents to know is so you can have an awareness to what goes on in some schools. When I was a teacher, spelling wasn't emphasized as being important. As a parent, that statement should concern you. I did my best to teach students how to spell properly because I felt strongly about it; but not because spelling was a requirement defined in the core content. <br />
<br />
The alternative means of teaching spelling is called foniks (phonics). Some may shudder as you read the "p" word (f word if you are an inventive speller). At the heart of it, phonics has been the best method I have seen for children to learn how to write. Let me put it another way. Although children have shown me different styles of learning over the years, I have never seen a child who was able to write on grade level who had not learned basic phonetic principles.<br />
<br />
There's a reason cat is spelled c-a-t. While I admit there are lots of words that aren't spelled the way they sound, it's important to know the rulz (rules) and learn over time when the rules do not apply. Though it's a lengthy process, 13 years of education (more if you count pre-school) is easily enough time to work out the kinks.<br />
<br />
Inventive spelling , to me, is cute to read from a kindergarten or even a 1st grade student. Though I didn't let the errors go unchecked, I did appreciate the students' effort during my time in the classroom. Writing can be a difficult subject to teach. It takes a lot of time and patience It baffles me though how any grade (above K or 1st) would buy into inventive spelling.<br />
<br />
Please remember the primary point of writing for anyone is to communicate on paper. If the reader can't understand what the writer is trying to communicate, then the writing is, in effect, worthless. Let us fast forward a few years ahead. If a child can't spell correctly, what type of college would you expect that person to attend or which job could you expect them to land?<br />
<br />
Here's another way of looking at it. When was the last time you did something incorrectly, stuck with the same plan, and got it right without changing anything? Inventive spelling counts on the fact that although the word is spelled incorrectly now, it will work itself out over time. It is a theory I have never understood. <br />
<span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Children_in_a_Primary_Education_School.JPG" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Group of children in a primary school in Paris" height="225" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c3/Children_in_a_Primary_Education_School.JPG/300px-Children_in_a_Primary_Education_School.JPG" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="300" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</span></span><br />
There are plenty of schools who will pass students on from year to year even if the children can't spell. Therefore, you have two choices as a parent. Either trust that the school is right (making me wrong) or take what I am saying seriously and work with your kids on how to spell. You can easily do this by looking at classwork and reading carefully what your children are writing. This can also be accomplished by making sure all homework assignments are written properly. Rest assured, I have made more than one kid erase a word and spell it correctly. None of them were scarred for life.<br />
<br />
For those who would like a little more information, here is a link from the National Right to Read Foundation that I hope will help. http://www.nrrf.org/42_invented_spelling.html <br />
<br />
This Wednesday, I will be back with my behavior blog but until then ... Hve a grate da! (Have a great day) <br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=930e054c-e9b5-4456-bbf2-525b44475672" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-91532569944801908802011-01-07T08:47:00.000-04:002011-01-07T08:47:53.163-04:00A Good Problem to HaveI hope everyone is having a terrific day. We are approaching another weekend where many of us will be involved watching our children play their various sports. It's in this context that I will answer another parenting question. Although the blog will focus on school age children, even if you have younger ones- pay attention. You may be fortunate enough to have this problem one day. <br />
<br />
The dad, who I will call Mike, is married with 3 children. The kids are doing great academically (mostly A's sprinkled with a B here and there). Athletically, they are also doing well- especially the middle child (So far, it seems like I need Mike's advice).<br />
<br />
Here are the concerns. Mike's kids work extremely hard and he wants to know how to maximize their abilities without burning them out. My interpretation of the email was he was especially worried about this happening athletically. Mike doesn't want to push his children to the breaking point. He singled out his middle child who is very gifted. Mike wonders about this child playing sports with his age group because he would be so much better versus playing against older children so he wouldn't always be the best on his team. He's also wondering if there are burn out signs to look for. My first reaction to this email was (I hope my readers are slowly enjoying a cup of coffee because this might take a while). <br />
<br />
Before you read on, please take a second to think how you would answer Mike's question. If you would like to help Mike, feel free by adding a comment at the bottom.<br />
<br />
I hope Mike along with all of my readers know I'm not one to tell people what to do (on most occasions) but I will give you some things to think about. Therefore, I'm not going to tell Mike which age group he should allow his middle child to participate. The point is I want Mike to make the best decision for his family.<br />
<br />
Three questions came to my mind that Mike should answer in the privacy of his home. What are the goals for the children? What's the point? Who's calling the shots?<br />
<br />
<b>What are the goals for the children?</b> By this I mean what does Mike hope to achieve when his children play sports? Is it physical fitness, learning teamwork skills, an athletic scholorship, a professional career, etc? Knowing the goals will help Mike choose a path. For example, if his kids only played for fun, they wouldn't get burned out until it wasn't fun anymore. Contrarily, an athletic scholorship requires a lot of drive, extra time on the ball fields, and a commitment to excellence. When thinking about the goals, everyone had better be on board. (Specifically Mike's wife and the children)<br />
<br />
Understand, I don't mind how Mike's family approaches sports of choice as long as the children's grades remain high. What troubles me is when I see parents who dog their kids repeatedly over a sport. It often means they are trying to get their kids to accomplish something in sports they didn't have the ability to accomplish. Sports are supposed to be an outlet for the children- not the parents. <br />
<br />
<b>What's the point?</b> Most parents (including myself) want to see their kids excel in sports- but why? Is Mike looking for his children to develop self confidence, a sense of pride, and/or friendship with the other players?<br />
<br />
Could there also be a slightly darker point? I talk in depth in my book that some of my former coaches had only one point- winning. We are talking about amateur athletics. If a parent's or coaches sole point is to win, that could be a problem. The pressure for any child to always win may be enough to drive him/her out of the sport.<br />
<br />
I think Mike is safe if he genuinely didn't care how his kids performed in a sport as long as they tried their best and had fun. Sometimes as a parent, it's wise to tell yourself to "back off" and it isn't easy-especially if your child excels.<br />
<br />
<b>Who's calling the shots?</b> I would like Mike to be as encouraging as he wants. In the end though, let the children make up their mind on how far they want to go with sports. The truth is there is only a miniscule chance the kids will be playing next to Kobe Bryant or Derek Jeter in the future. More likely than not, the children will need to use their brains to earn the same things Mike has in life (a college degree, stable income, and great kids).<br />
<br />
<span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged"><a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Derek_Jeter_allison_shot_8_31_09.jpg" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Derek Jeter" height="200" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/38/Derek_Jeter_allison_shot_8_31_09.jpg/300px-Derek_Jeter_allison_shot_8_31_09.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="160" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 300px;"></span></span>As far as pushing kids to the breaking point and signs to look for, that's a bit tough for me because I don't think I've pushed a child that hard. Therefore, I haven't seen it firsthand. Subtle changes in behavior or attitude may be something to watch for. One question I would have for Mike is this. "Does quality time with your kids revolve around anything besides sports?" Truthfully, if Mike does lots of activities outside sports with his kids, the odds of burning them out on sports would be minimal in my opinion. <br />
<br />
Keep this in mind as well. If Mike is a strong authority figure in his house, I wouldn't expect his children to come to him and explain that they need a break or they no longer wanted to play a particular sport. It probably wouldn't happen because of the mere possibility of disappointing their father. That's why looking for more subtle changes is important.<br />
<br />
Depending on their family dynamic, if Mike's wife happens to be more sensitive than him (as is the case in my home), she may be a valuable resource. I believe Mike should consider expressing his concerns to her, explain he really needs her help, and tell her to let him know if the children are giving her some negative vibes. This only will work though if Mike promises not to argue when she speaks up. Any arguing could result in Mike losing the one resource that can help keep his fears in check. <br />
<br />
Let's get this straight as well. As long as Mike continues to quietly monitor himself, it's less likely the kids will burn out. Just by writing me this email, I have the feeling Mike is already accomplishing this. <br />
<br />
I hope my general thoughts and questions help. I want Mike and all my readers to have all the fun you can watching your kids play the sports they love. Be encouraging and only push as long as the children express an interest in being pushed. It's a special time so savor every minute of it and allow your children to do the same thing!<br />
<br />
If you happen to enjoy today's blog, please pass it around to some other parents who would like it as well. Thanks so much!!!<br />
<br />
On Monday, I'll be back with an education blog. There are several topics I have in mind. Hopefully, it will be worth the wait. <br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=9f2766f1-46b2-40c2-81da-ae162c41a2a0" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-60709395519585212792011-01-05T09:49:00.000-04:002011-01-05T09:49:22.631-04:00Changing LyricsI hope all of you are having a wonderful Wednesday. Thanks for stopping by. Today's behavior blog was set and ready until...my oldest son decided to misbehave and become my new blog topic. Cameron is a great kid. But, like a lot of great kids, he is still prone to messing up. As a matter of fact, there are a lot of great adults who fit that mold as well. Therefore, it's on that note where I will begin.<br />
<br />
The Gambler, by Kenny Rogers, gave me the "beat" of how to approach today's blog. He sang, "You have to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, and know when to run." My lyrics doesn't have the same smooth style but it goes like this: You have to know when to be mad, know when to be glad, know when to close the distance, and know when to step back.<br />
<span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:21_Number_Ones_-_Kenny_Rogers.jpg" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="21 Number Ones" height="297" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/b/b2/21_Number_Ones_-_Kenny_Rogers.jpg/300px-21_Number_Ones_-_Kenny_Rogers.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="300" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 300px;">Image via <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:21_Number_Ones_-_Kenny_Rogers.jpg">Wikipedia</a></span></span><br />
<br />
Last night, Cameron brought me his library books around 6:30pm and asked if we could return them together. He knows I am a sucker in a library. Instead of just returning books, he would get to peruse and get more books even if it meant staying up past his bedtime on a school night. It's a game I love playing to tell the truth- but don't tell him I said that.<br />
<br />
I was busy finishing an email on my computer in the basement. I told him to get his coat on and we would be on our way soon. Right before I finished my email, I heard a familiar walk across the main floor overhead. The hard footsteps meant only one thing- the wife was coming to see me and she was not happy. I tried to think of what I did wrong so I could weasel my way out of it- but came up blank. <br />
<br />
The good news was I had avoided trouble (this time). The bad news was Cameron had "back talked" her and was currently hollering and throwing things in his bedroom. Back talking is a behavior that's pretty common in children and I will address it more fully in a future post. But due to his back talking, his library privilege had not been "renewed." The other behaviors came after mama laid down the law. <br />
<br />
My initial reaction was shock but it shouldn't have been. Cameron had smaller behavior problems earlier in the afternoon. He could have been tired after a long school day plus "daddy school." Though I don't know the reason, we now had a problem in the Thomas household. Sometimes I want Lauren to handle behavior problems. This time though, it sounded like a war was brewing and I wanted to show support to my wife.<br />
<br />
Here's where my "song lyrics" come into play:<br />
<br />
You have to know when to be mad- Truthfully, I wasn't mad at all. Lauren had already handled the situation. Although she didn't ask me to help her, I don't think she minded the added support. A tip I learned long ago was it's not always prudent to handle an angry child with anger. That's because anger between two people typically builds off of each other. There are some exceptions to the point but this was certainly not a case that qualified. <br />
<br />
Know when to be glad- Maybe it was just me but I was excited he was so upset because he could NOT go to the library. It tells me my wife and I are doing something right. I'd be much more concerned if he didn't like the library. I remember heading up the stairs with a small smirk on my face. <br />
<br />
Know when to close the distance- I was two floors away when the problem occurred. There was no doubt I was going to be in Cameron's room. As for how much more distance needed to be closed, I'd have to wait to see how this situation was going to shake out. I don't mind placing my hands on a child who is completely out of control; but I like to evaluate things before I take it to that level. <br />
<br />
Know when to step back- Right as I entered the room, Cameron had slammed his closet door. I gave him the "I dare you to do that while I'm here" look. When Cameron saw me, I received the "fear of the father" glare I suspected I would get. I'm sure he thought to himself "What is my dad going to do to me?" It was at this point I threw a proverbial curve ball. Instead of speaking harshly, I calmly said "I can't believe you would act like this because you love going to the library. You are much smarter than what you showed to mom." I held his gaze for probably 5-10 seconds (which to most kids feels like 5-10 minutes) then I walked out.<br />
<br />
I could have handled the situation in a variety of ways but what would have been the point of piling it on? Lauren laid down the consequence and I helped Cameron get his behavior under control. In short, I got what I wanted. All it took was an eye gaze and two sentences. You might be surprised to know that even with the toughest kids in my professional life, this tactic worked almost all the time. Later in the evening, Cameron cried and gave mom a heartfelt apology. That's when I truly knew the problem was resolved. <br />
<br />
This Friday, I will be answering a parenting question. The crux of it is what do you do with good kids in terms of making them better? Think about it for a couple of days, come back Friday, and we'll compare answers. Until then, all the best to you and the ones you love.Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-2554335711302947482011-01-03T09:08:00.000-04:002011-01-03T09:08:27.865-04:00Achieveing a New Year's Resolution<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/46406832@N00/2151105275" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="New year - which direction?" height="181" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2317/2151105275_7cb4f8d0d6_m.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="240" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">Which direction will you go in 2011?</span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Happy 2011 to all of you. I hope you are reading this post in good spirits and with an open mind because we have some work to do. The first thing I want to talk about are some of the best ways I have seen in achieving a New Year's resolution. The next thing is talking about my resolution because I'm going to need your help.<br />
<br />
New Year's resolutions seem to be difficult for a couple of reasons. The first is the highs and lows of life and how it gets in the way of what we are trying to accomplish. The second is that a year is a long time. Having the same drive to achieve a goal on day 1, day 122, and day 364 can be difficult. <br />
<br />
It's important in a family for everyone to help everyone else achieve their resolutions. Life will still have it's highs and lows for each individual; but having the support of your family can help offset them. Though I don't have a shred of statistical evidence, I would bet many resolutions are not achieved simply because people try to accomplish them alone. You can actually help your kids with their goals as well by showing a passion while working on your resolutions. After all, iron sharpens iron. <br />
<br />
It's also a good idea to make goals as a family and post them somewhere for all to see. You've got to be accountable to each other and willing to have your own feet held to the fire when you are not sticking to the goals. <br />
<br />
For example, my wife had the goal last year of running a 10k (6.2 miles) on a treadmill. To some, that may not be a big deal but to her- it meant everything. I tried to help by keeping up with my workouts, giving her positive encouragement, and allowing her time to go to the gym while I took care of the kids. I'm proud to tell you that on December 31, 2010, the goal was accomplished. I couldn't be more proud.<br />
<br />
The second tip I would give would be to break a year into parts and attack your New Year's goal incrementally. For example, if you'd like to loose 20 pounds this year, try stating the goal like this: "I will lose 1.66 pounds per month." That's it. According to what I have heard from Weight Watchers, losing a pound per week is reasonable. Therefore, losing 1.66 pounds in a month isn't too hard. Is it? In a year's time, the resolution will have been accomplished.<br />
<br />
Now for my goal. My New Year's resolution is to sell the <u>Tantrums, Troubles, and Treasures</u> book to a publisher. I have three reasons for this.<br />
<br />
1. Selling the book may allow my wife to work a little less. She has been our sole bread winner for 4 years. Without her sacrifices, the book nor the blog would have come to fruition. Please understand that if you have learned something from my writings or have applied one thing from this blog to your household, part of the credit has to be given to her.<br />
<br />
2. Selling the book would mean reaching even more people with the positive messages I am sending. I believe I can help a lot of good parents become even better; but they may be harder to reach if the book is never published.<br />
<br />
3. The final reason I want to get <u>Tantrums, Troubles, and Treasures</u> published is I already have an outline for a follow up book. After writing the first book, I was so drained because it took 11 months. Honestly, I didn't believe I had another book in me. It looks like I was wrong. The follow up book will have more stories and anecdotes and really fun lessons for parents to think about. Right now though, it doesn't make a lot of sense to write a follow up book until the first one is published.<br />
<br />
I told you in the beginning of the blog I needed your help. Here are my requests.<br />
<br />
I want you to hold my feet to the fire like I suggested earlier. Encourage me if you read good blog posts. Tell me what you liked and why. If the posts were not up to par, tell me why as well and how it should have been improved.<br />
<br />
Continue sending me parenting question and referring people to this site. I believe in the six degrees of separation. I'm not that far from having <u>Tantrums, Troubles, and Treasures</u> in the hands of a publisher. Sooner or later, this blog will receive enough hits that a publisher will come across it and want to know what all the commotion is about. <br />
<br />
If you have happened to see the children's movie <b>Horton Hears a Who</b> starring Jim Carrey, I feel like we are on the speck of Who-ville shouting "We are here, we are here, we are here!"<br />
<span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:HortonHearsAWhoBookCover.jpg" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Horton Hears a Who!" height="200" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/b/b8/HortonHearsAWhoBookCover.jpg/300px-HortonHearsAWhoBookCover.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="144" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 300px;">Image via <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:HortonHearsAWhoBookCover.jpg">Wikipedia</a></span></span><br />
Thank you for all the time and encouragement you have given. Here's to a great 2011!<br />
<br />
Cheers!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=2d6becd6-3c83-4a89-b983-31458e37c2ac" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-89150452234500136772010-12-31T08:46:00.000-04:002010-12-31T08:46:30.431-04:00Guilty Mom ComplexHello to all!!! Pardon me while I catch my breath. I happened to look at my stats before deciding to write this blog and discovered you made Wednesday's blog (Sowing Seeds) the top hit blog I have ever written. Remember the contest involving 200 hits? You actually did it! Couple that with the fact that the month of December had more total hits by far than my first two months combined and what you have left is---a speechless blogger. OK, not completely speechless; but you get my drift. Thank you for reading my blog and passing it along to other parents! Now, let's get down to business.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged" style="clear: both; float: none; text-align: center;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Speechless_movie.jpg" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Speechless (film)" height="320" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a8/Speechless_movie.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="204" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">Promise I found this movie poster AFTER writing I was "speechless" </span></span></div><br />
As a lot of us know, Friday's are saved for questions from parents and today I have a chosen a difficult one. A mom I'll call "Barb" asks, "How can I not feel guilty as a mom because I can't do it all?" Barb is married, works full time, and has 3 children. She feels she never has the time to accomplish all the things she wants to do in her professional and personal life.<br />
<br />
Barb's story and general question is all too familiar for a lot of us- not just moms. Some of us struggle to put in the time needed at work with the time wanted at home. Keeping the house clean, maintaining a social life, and spending quality time with our children/spouse is hard. Oh, I almost forgot that some of us would like to do more volunteer work in our places of worship or communities. The burden can feel very heavy at times. <br />
<br />
The first thing I want Barb to know is "doing it all" is a myth. Seriously, how many people does anyone know who can really "do it all?" I can't think of one. While I'll admit some of us do a better job than others, no one is perfect. <br />
<br />
Placing pressure on yourself to do it all is an exercise in futility. I do believe though placing a little pressure on yourself is a good thing so let's redirect that pressure into something a bit more manageable. <br />
<br />
For example, let's say you don't think you are spending enough time with the kids. I would challenge you to know exactly how much time you DO spend with your kids. If you would like more time, here are some ideas. <br />
<br />
1. Pull your kid out of school during your lunch break. If this idea doesn't appeal to you, how about eating lunch at their school? Clear it with teachers if you pull your kid out of school so you can figure out the best time to do it (as not to interfere with quizzes- tests).<br />
<br />
2 Another idea is to schedule kids similar to meetings at work. Many of us have a calender which is typically full. Block out time purposely to know what you are going to do with your kids and how long it's going to take. Unless there's an unavoidable crisis at work, don't reschedule your kids. Take this as seriously as you do any other meeting or you may not be as likely to follow through. <br />
<br />
3. Keep your kids involved in activities with you at home. Instead of you making dinner for the family- let the family work together to make the dinner. This creates more family time and saves you from having to do it all. <br />
<br />
I could go over countless problems overworked and overstressed moms and dads have like Barb; but here's another piece of advice that may help. On a piece of paper, prioritize what is important to you right now, what can wait, and what you can delegate.<br />
<br />
For example, my wife and I are having a New Years Eve party. The problem is I am raising and educating my kids, marketing a book, and writing this blog. I don't have time to do (above and beyond) cleaning. Regardless, I wrote a small list this morning of simple things I could do while the kids were occupied. <br />
<br />
At 12:00, I decided to bake the boys a pizza for lunch. The plan was to clean some things while it was baking and while they were eating. Sound easy enough?<br />
<br />
Well, it was easy until I glanced over and saw my oven on fire! Although I didn't write it down, I knew the priority was to drop the cleaning supplies and put the fire out. I am thankful I caught the problem in time. My house is fine and no one was hurt. Thinking about this story, here is my question. What fires are going on in your life that have to be extinguished? It's simply called prioritizing. When you stretch yourself too thin, you'll feel like you've accomplished little and the fires will still roar on. <br />
<br />
Here's a final thought to illustrate the point. There were only two things I really focused on as an elementary school teacher in the public schools- reading and math. If everything else in the day didn't go well, I could accept that. I didn't have the same attitude about weekly faculty meetings, didn't care about the state (of Kentucky) and what they do to teachers in bottom tier schools with low test scores, and didn't care about what other teachers gossiped. <br />
<br />
When children can read and perform math problems, they can do almost anything academically. But if kids can't do those two things, they won't make it in the classroom or in life. Low reading and math skills were the fires I tried to put out every day.<br />
<br />
To Barb and all of my guilt filled moms and dads: please lighten up a bit, prioritize what's important, and have a fantastic 2011. Now, if you don't mind, I have some cleaning that needs to be done. <br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=eab51841-52de-4411-af00-de85a8117a58" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-90610714841132481242010-12-29T09:41:00.000-04:002010-12-29T09:41:44.941-04:00Sowing SeedsBuckle up early for this blog because I'm jumping in head first! <br />
<br />
The kids I've worked with in my life have looked up to me the same way your kids look up to you. It didn't matter if it was St. Josephs Children's Home, as a public school teacher, or my own kids. Being the authority figure and acting like the authority figure are two different things though. For example, a teacher may BE the authority figure the kids are supposed to look up to; but if they don't ACT like the authority figure, respect over time is lost.<br />
<br />
The reason I made this distinctions is because we, as authority figures, have a golden opportunity with our kids. As long as they respect us, they will take our words and actions to be meaningful and trusted. Because of this simple fact, here's the plan. Let's encourage kids to achieve heights they never thought they could. <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Childrens_migrant_programme.jpg" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Children victimized by the United Kingdom's Ch..." height="152" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/5e/Childrens_migrant_programme.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="203" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kids are looking to us right now for help!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>At St. Joseph's Children's Home, we worked a lot on behavior because that was a major factor in getting a child ready to be in a foster home or better yet- adopted. Because kids there looked up to me (along with many other super house parents) I used to praise them to no end for good behavior. The various forms of praise from me were the seeds sown. On the flip side, I didn't baby them when they behaved poorly. I had a clear goal of where I wanted them behaviorally even if they had lost some hope for ever being adopted. For some children, the goal was achieved but I worked tirelessly for years in order for that dream to be realized by all.<br />
<br />
Another example could be found when I was teaching. In the classroom, kids would sometimes tell me they couldn't read. Those were fighting words in my classroom. I would go out of my way over time to prove to them they COULD read but they needed to practice to get better. Since I was the authority figure, I could sow those seeds within a child and eventually have them reading at a higher level over time.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong. Sowing seeds doesn't always work. But, it's not my job to know when this tactic will work and when it won't. It's my job to command the respect of children so when I sow the seeds, they have a chance of "sprouting."<br />
<br />
Here's an example of a time your humble blogger apparently failed. This story occurred on a picturesque fall day. My son, Cameron, and I were driving to one of his tennis lessons. I remember pumping him up saying things like "let's really concentrate today" and "hit the ball like your coach taught you." I also threw in "you can beat those kids even if they are a little older." In my own mind, I sounded like General Patton pumping up the troops. In other words, the seeds were clearly sown and greatness was sure to follow. It was at this point that Cameron exclaimed out of the blue, "Look daddy, there's a bird in that nest!"<br />
<br />
For the record, Cameron played fine that day. Regardless, I'm not sure anything I said registered at the time; but that's not the point. I tried to do what I could to encourage Cameron to play his best tennis. <br />
<br />
It's not only your choice when to sow the seeds; but what seeds are to be sown and how often. Though my tennis example with Cameron may prove it doesn't always work, I will guarantee there are many times it does. In order to get the best out of kids, they have to have confidence. Though parents sowing seeds is not the entire equation for a child to excel, it's certainly an important step.<br />
<br />
On a final note, any parent who has a child's respect can also fall victim to sowing negative seeds. If, for example, I told my children they were ugly, dumb, inferior to others, or not very good at something, they would completely believe me. All parents should watch their words very carefully because the consequences are potentially devastating. I once heard long ago, "don't be the parent who thinks they know how the book ends before the final chapter is even written." Even if your child isn't the best at something (and whose child is) it's still important to make them feel good about themselves and what they are doing. <br />
<br />
We want our children to be happy. We want the best for them. Together, let's sow seeds to give our kids every chance to achieve these things. <br />
<br />
My next blog will be this Friday, I have several interesting parenting questions to choose from. If you have a parenting question, it can be sent to tantrumstroublesandtreasures@yahoo.com. <br />
<br />
Take care of yourselves and your families and please don't forget to pass this along to other parents!!! <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=3b309de1-836a-46b4-a4b5-53802aecba6c" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-67154648754196459742010-12-27T09:11:00.001-04:002010-12-27T18:54:49.857-04:00The Bottom Side of NormalHope everyone has recovered from their Christmas weekend. I am excited to be back with you! Over the holidays, I acquired some new followers from near and abroad and want to welcome all of you. The lessons I hope you take today can be implemented where ever you live no matter where your child goes to school. <br />
<br />
Today's blog is part two of what I started last Monday called An Educational Opportunity. Basically, I said to use some of the time off with your kids to gain an educational edge. I also talked about interpreting grades beyond the letter (A-B-C-D-F) If you haven't seen it already, I'd encourage you to look at it. The goal is for you, the parent, to look beyond your child's grade and concentrate on the intricacies. What makes his/her grades so high or low? What could have been done better? A specific way for me to explain this is to focus on my three year old, Luke. <br />
<br />
Luke is one happy and fun loving kid. He's the child you may find in the grocery store hollering, "Merry Christmas" to everyone he passes. Another example of his spirit could be found at Christmas Mass. He was a bit slow in his responses (understandably) and when the congregation said, "Amen," he would holler it a second too late. People would turn and laugh which was a bit embarrassing; but funny as well.<br />
<br />
The main problem with Luke is he has a speech delay and was recently tested for a second time. My wife and I found out he scored on the bottom side of the normal spectrum. At first glance, that may seem pretty disappointing, right?<br />
<br />
For those of you who have regularly seen this blog, you know about my oldest child's educational achievements. Details can be found on earlier blogs (October15th and October-18th editions) but he has tested in the top 1% nationally in reading and math. One may think I may be disappointed Luke is not following in the footsteps of his brother. One may also think my prior education blogs may not be as valid because I can't produce the same result with a different kid thus far. But wait. Before making any assumptions, did you remember my advice of looking beyond the initial grade? Of course you did and that's why you'll keep reading!<br />
<br />
Here's more of the story. Luke had fluid in his ears for what could have been months. Lauren and I didn't take him to the doctor because we didn't know it existed. He didn't get ear aches like his brother so there was not a reason to be alarmed. If it would have been treated, the speech problems would have been much less severe.<br />
<br />
The first time Luke took the speech test, he was so low, he couldn't even complete it. To go from that to the bottom side of normal was a huge leap. Obviously, I'm very excited about the results. I'm also extremely confident in my abilities to teach and I feel Luke and I are off to the races (educationally speaking).<br />
<br />
Because this blog is partially meant to teach, let's attempt to apply Luke's circumstances to your kids. When your child receives a grade in any subject, knowing the back story is as important as the grade. Let's say, for example, your child went from a "B" last year in math to a "C" on their last report card. The key to helping as a parent is to pinpoint the subtle changes. Were his/her study habits different? Was there something taught last year that wasn't retained in your child's mind this year? If I asked, could you adequately explain the problems to a simple guy like me?<br />
<br />
Now, let's flip the scenario. Let's say your kid went from a (C+) to an (A-). The same basic rules apply. Pinpoint the positive changes and capitalize on the success. Did your child study harder? Did you give them more of your time/encouragement? Did the teacher have a positive impact? What were the factors of change? <span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged"><a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Teacher_helping_student.JPG" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A leader teach is able to help this student wi..." height="121" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b2/Teacher_helping_student.JPG" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="121" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 121px;">Image via <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Teacher_helping_student.JPG">Wikipedia</a></span></span><br />
<br />
I certainly can't go over all the grading scenarios in education. But, as a former teacher, I know this. The grade in any class should stem from an overall body of work. There are reasons some children succeed and others don't do as well. When you find and attack those reasons, you should expect better report cards.<br />
<br />
On a side note, if your kid is already doing exceedingly well, why not challenge the teacher to provide more difficult material? True learning only occurs when additional knowledge is gathered and retained by the student. In other words, it's possible for a kid to get an "A" in a class and not learn much.<br />
<br />
If you enjoyed <u>The Bottom Side of Normal</u>, please consider sending it to a parent who would enjoy it. That gesture would mean so much to me. To those of you who have ever passed along my material, thank you!<br />
<br />
This Wednesday, I am back with a behavior blog. The title will be <u>Sowing Seeds</u>. It's a tactic I've used for years with good results. Can't wait to tell you all about it. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=f212d82b-f22f-4cfe-b525-dcfbde1eea6e" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-17748950809752749192010-12-22T09:47:00.000-04:002010-12-22T09:47:52.257-04:00Lasting Impressions (The Story of Grant)Quick housekeeping note: The $50 check is in the mail to St. Joseph Children's Home. Thanks to all who competed in my "hits" contest. <br />
<br />
Today's behavior blog is about a high school senior in Louisville. KY. I don't want to embarrass him in any way so I'll call him "Grant" and not tell you where he goes to school. Grant is from a high school in Louisville, KY. which overall is not doing very well. By that I mean under 50% of the students who graduate are considered ready for college. He's a nice guy but not someone who I regularly talk to. Last week though he sat beside me while my son was playing tennis and instantly engaged me. Grant is a clean cut African American of average size. I can tell you in all honesty I learned a lot more from him than he did from me in the 45 minutes we talked.<br />
<br />
The reason you are going to "meet" Grant is because he's someone who I believe is going places in life and has some interesting insights. I'll tell you several things about him in this blog but it's his behaviors and attitudes about his high school surroundings that struck me the most. If your child isn't going to the best school in the world or if they are underachieving for whatever reason, they might be able to learn from Grant as well.<br />
<br />
One of the things that got my attention about Grant was that he scored a 30 on his ACT's (out of 36). I went to one of the best private high schools in the state of Kentucky and I didn't do as well as Grant. How in the world did he do so much better than me and most everyone I know? What were the secrets?<br />
<br />
When asking Grant about his success, he said he had a fear of letting himself down. Grant does not settle for mediocrity. For example, on the morning of his ACT, he wasn't able to eat breakfast. He's convinced he can do better by making that one adjustment. <br />
<br />
Grant spoke quite a bit about his family. It's worth noting his "healthy fear" of his father. His mother and grandmother were also spoken of highly. Grant's family also seems important in the respect that he has older cousins he looks up to. They aren't able to get together as much as he would like but he could call any of them and they would be right there for him. <br />
<br />
Success in the classroom is really important to Grant as well. He said when he enters a classroom, it's "go time." I normally expect this type of talk from athletes before a contest. Hearing that phrase from a student was interesting to me. Grant also talked about "separating work from play." I had the impression he goofed off on occasion in the hallway at his school. In the classroom though, it was all business. Finally, he said he liked "to have his mind stimulated." That implies to me that Grant has some engaging teachers who are able to accomplish this. He even mentioned a philosophy teacher with tatoos but always dressed well. According to Grant, this particular teacher "makes me think."<br />
<br />
When asking Grant about the problems at his school, he had some interesting insights as well. He talked about the environment at school. Specifically, if you were in the wrong environment at school, that could be trouble. The right environment I assumed would lead to greater success. He also said that he "liked to learn from all." He actually thought the environment held greater weight on the subject of problems at his school versus the parents of the students or the school itself. Though Grant and I don't see completely eye to eye on this issue, the fact is he is in the trenches every day. <br />
<br />
Grant doesn't know where he wants to go to college yet but he wants to "go somewhere I'll blossom- not just grow." What do you think the odds are Grant will accomplish this goal? I'm betting the odds are high.<br />
<br />
Grant strikes me as the kind of person who dictates his environment versus letting the environment dictate him. While I realize all of our children are not going to be exactly like Grant, that's OK. Cameron (my six year old) is far too young to learn all the lessons Grant could teach him. Regardless, the one lesson I want Cameron to work on is separating work from play at school. It's a goal that he can accomplish (for his age) and one that will serve him well over time. <br />
<br />
Grant is an inspiring young man to me. I believe we, as parents, can learn from Grant and apply his positive lessons to our children. Although it wasn't his intent, I believe Grant made me a better parent today. For that, I thank him. <br />
<br />
There will not be a question/answer blog this Friday. It's Christmas Eve and I am going to spend all the time I can with my family. I will check in again Monday with an education blog. Until then, Merry Christmas to you and all you love. <br />
<br />
Clay <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-75489151962620386572010-12-20T17:31:00.000-04:002010-12-20T17:31:54.953-04:00An Educational OpportunityHappy Monday to all of you. For some of us, our kids are on Christmas break. This is the perfect time to think about what is really going on with their education and how you, as parents, can separate your children from the pack a little bit. <br />
<br />
At this point, you have been able to digest the report cards of your kids and get a handle on their strengths and weaknesses. My questions to you are how did they do in their classes, how do you know, and how can you help? The best way I can explain these is to use my child Cameron as an example. <br />
<br />
1. How did Cameron do? Cameron is in a Catholic school which uses the traditional way of grading. (A-B-C-D-F) For those of you who do not have a traditional form of grading, your job may be a bit more difficult. Cameron received straight A's. For those of you who have kept up with this blog, that would not come as a surprise. (He reads and works on math skills typical of a third grader with me). I was a lot more pleased with Science, Social Studies, and Religion grades because we don't work on those subjects as consistently.<br />
<br />
2. How do I know how Cameron did? This is a trick question for me and maybe some of you concerning your kids as well. I should be pleased with the grades. Straight A's is the best he can do--- or is it? <br />
<br />
In Cameron's case, he didn't actually learn anything in reading or math because he already knew the material. Therefore, an "A" isn't a big deal. I knew this would happen and I'm not upset at all. Here's the point. If your child had to work hard to receive whatever the report card said, you should be pleased. But what if the class is moving slowly academically or your child has superior skills to the class/grade level? Is an "A" as big a deal? This is an important distinction which leads to the next point.<br />
<br />
3. How can I help? In Cameron's case, we go over every wrong answer he receives at school or at home. I have the attitude more of a caring teacher than of a tough parent in these cases. What's important to me is the knowledge- not the grade. I want to give Cameron every chance of understanding what is being taught. In my opinion, this attitude places less stress on my child while accomplishing the overall point of school which, of course, is learning.<br />
<br />
Now that we have these points established, why do you think I am writing this blog now? The kids aren't in school. Well, here's why. This time period is your golden opportunity as it is mine. Over the next couple of weeks, we have the chance to really dig in and help with our children's education. "Daddy School" (the boys education with me) doesn't end when schools are out. I'll typically set aside some time with the entire point of working with Cameron and Luke (my 3 year old) on their academics. Of course, my boys aren't working on Christmas day or even on the weekends. What we do though is work during the week directly at their skill level- not grade level. <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" height="277" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center; width: 206px;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Pirate_Social_Studies_2.jpg" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Social Studies classroom at Port Charlotte Hig..." height="225" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/5b/Pirate_Social_Studies_2.jpg/300px-Pirate_Social_Studies_2.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="300" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">Image via <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Pirate_Social_Studies_2.jpg">Wikipedia</a></span></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How can a parent take advantage of this???</td></tr>
</tbody></table>What may surprise you is how much you can accomplish in a short period of time. Working with Cameron will take me 30-45 minutes daily (the latter if he is intensely focused). This still gives him the rest of the day to play and enjoy his time off from school. This extra amount of time allows us to bond and for him to grow as a student. Being a student shouldn't be confined to 187 school days. In one way or another, we all should be lifelong learners. <br />
<br />
With your children, you have three choices. The first is to forge ahead with your child's education no matter what the report card said. If, for example, they are good readers; help them practice to become better with more difficult material. <br />
<br />
The second is to target skills in a subject where your child is having difficulty. Let's say, for example, your kid worked hard and received a "C" in math. This is a perfect time to go over the material in which the child struggled and possibly show him/her some upcoming material that may be a bit tricky. If you do this, there is an opportunity to receive a better grade on the next report card.<br />
<br />
The final choice you have is to do nothing. Let me be extremely honest with you. Parents who do not create extra opportunities for their children to learn are going to have a hard time keeping up with the kids who have proactive parents. I'm not judging anyone but it's a fact. To use a sports analogy, it would be like someone off the street trying to throw a football as accurately as an NFL quarterback. Odds are pretty low of this happening. Parents and kids who put the time in are going to be better equipped when the subject material becomes more challenging. <br />
<br />
My contention is the extra amount of time you place in your child's education will pay off substantially for those who take advantage of it. There are a lot of desks empty across America right now. Will you take advantage or will you let this opportunity pass you by? The choice is yours. <br />
<br />
My next blog will be written on Wednesday. I hope between now and then you'll think about this blog and make whatever choice you feel is best for your family. All the best!!!<br />
<br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=e72b6322-2dc9-4206-9e49-580955c149eb" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-57881407312616053972010-12-17T13:56:00.000-04:002010-12-17T13:56:07.285-04:00Appreciating Christmas and Contest Results<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Good Friday to all of you! Today, I want to share with you a topic a new business associate sent to me. She is hoping to help me gain some media publicity and I am very thankful. There are certain people (and you know who you are) who I haven't met but would really like to see me succeed with this blog/book. But something funny happened along the way. The more I wrote on this topic, the stronger I felt about the my answer to the question. For all the parents who worry about their kids receiving the true meaning of Christmas, this blog is for you. Also, the end of the blog includes the contest results along with the winner. First, here's the question I was asked to answer. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> </span></span><span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged" style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Santa-eop2.jpg" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Santa Claus with a little girl" height="178" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b5/Santa-eop2.jpg/300px-Santa-eop2.jpg" style="border: medium none;" width="300" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 300px;">Image via <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Santa-eop2.jpg">Wikipedi</a></span></span><span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">PARENTING: Teaching Kids to Appreciate What They Have during the Holidays -- AllBusiness.com<br />
I'm writing a post about how the nature of Christmas has turned into "buy, buy, get, get." This is not a religious piece, but more about how we can teach our children to appreciate what they do get. As parents, we often feel our children will be upset if they don't get the newest, most expensive toy. How can we teach them to appreciate what they do get? How, as parents, can we give our children a holiday without the stress of feeling as though we need to break the bank?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;">The following was my reply</span>:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: large;">I was forwarded an inquiry by you from a business associate concerning Christmas. Specifically, what can we do at Christmas so....<br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: large;">1. Kids feel appreciative for what they get.<br />
2. We, as parents, don't feel as though we need to break the bank.<br />
3. We, as parents, don't feel upset if our children don't get the latest greatest toy.<br />
<br />
First, this is a situation mistaken as a Christmas problem. The truth is, for many of us, it is a year long problem. It is only in this nature that I can adequately answer the questions.<br />
<br />
First, kids should be taught to show appreciation with the words "please and thank you" consistently. These are basic manners that should not be set aside at Christmas. As parents, we have to understand there is such promotion/excitement over this one day that kids are overloaded with emotion as it is. It is our responsibility to remind them of such basic courtesies. <br />
<br />
Appreciation can not be instilled on this one day alone. Therefore, if a parent hasn't taught lessons on being appreciative all year; this would be a hard day to get the message across. Regardless, a parent should still try their best. The goal may be to start now in order for their children to gain a better appreciation towards Christmas next year. <br />
<br />
As far as parents feeling as though we need to break the bank, this is only true if WE don't remember the meaning of Christmas. Granted, it's a season of giving- but not a season for going bankrupt or paying a Visa card interest bill until April 2011. We should give gifts within our means. If the child has been taught how to appreciate what they get and we remember the meaning of Christmas, there won't be a problem. If, as parents, we aren't happy with finances at Christmas and our ability to give, that is a separate money problem; not a Christmas problem. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: large;">Therefore, there's no need to feel upset if our children do not have the latest greatest toy. Not to be too religious; but there is a reason for Christmas. We celebrate in different ways around the world; but focusing on the reason for Christmas is the best anecdote for one's misgivings about not having a $300 Xbox with a $50 game. <br />
<br />
All the best,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Clayton Thomas</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I've always said one of the basic tenants of this blog is to make parents merely think. Whether you agree/disagree with this blog is not too important to me. What is important though is once you think about the tenants of today's blog, you have an even better understanding of your own decisions concerning your family. When that happens, you would have to be considered (in my eyes at least) a better parent even if you think I am full of it. On that note, let's get to the contest. If you are not familiar with the contest, my previous blog explains everything.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I have some good news and a touch of bad news. Which do you want to hear first? I knew it! You want the bad news first so we can end the blog on a positive note. Great minds think alike!!!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The bad news is we didn't reach 200 hits. Trust me when I say I was pulling for you and I worked/promoted hard to help you. 200 hits would have been a big jump from my previous high admittedly. There is a saying that goes something like "sometimes when you reach for the stars, you may only hit the moon." We did achieve 159 hits (as of this writing) which was the most thus far for one blog. This represents over a 20% increase versus the previous high. Remember when I said my original goal was 100 hits in one month? We have far exceeded original expectations. Also, barely halfway into the month of December, this blog has been "hit" more than either of the previous two months. (The blog was started in October 2010) </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">On to the good news: The winner of the contest is (drum roll please) me. This means I am donating $50 to St. Joseph Children's Home in Louisville, KY. If you are not familiar with this organization, they take in children who have been removed from their natural families due to severe abuse/neglect. The job of the organization is to place the kids in position to be adopted or transition into foster care. This takes a lot of time/ work based on where the child is mentally and the emotional scarring involved. This is where I learned most of my skills with children. Subsequently working in a classroom for seven years, raising two great children, and writing this blog are easy because of the opportunity St. Joseph's gave to me. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">One of my bucket list goals is to repay every dime St. Joseph's ever compensated me. The knowledge I received concerning how to work with kids was more than enough payment. I am not rich and I have a family to feed/college to pay for/ retirement/ etc... but the money they will receive based on this contest is a very small step towards the goal. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif'; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I want to thank everyone for reading this blog and participating in the contest. There will be lots more fun in the blogs ahead. Please pass this blog along to others you feel would enjoy the message and I will check in again Monday. </span></span><br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=2eee9a3b-ca59-4503-a950-1f58404231a6" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-40391488471288662982010-12-15T09:49:00.000-04:002010-12-15T09:49:00.761-04:00A Season of GivingIf you read Monday's blog, you know today's behavior blog is all about how I get kids to do things. Part of this answer is inspired by the blog I wrote October 27th called Motivation. I go into details about when you motivate a kid, you can get them to do nearly anything. If you haven't read it, it would be worth your time. I'm going to go into a bit more detail; then I am going to see if the tactics used with my kids will work on you as well. <br />
<br />
My favorite ways to get the behavior I want from children are praise, encouragement, and general affection ((i.e. hugs, pats on the back, and kisses (for my kids)). I also use rewards and consequences to my advantage. Rewards don't have to be extravagant. But they do need to motivate the kid to perform the same behavior I am looking for. Consequences does not mean I have to give spankings. Sometimes raising my voice a bit or placing a favorite toy in time out is all that is needed. (An evil eye tends to work as well). The point of consequences are to give the message, "I don't want to see that behavior any longer."<br />
<br />
When I do these things effectively, I reduce noise, frustration, and time outs. No one is perfect and I'm not claiming my house always resembles a sense of calmness. But, people who know my children could tell you that even when they misbehave, it is usually short lived. These same tactics were used in the classroom and St. Joseph Children's Home. My departments/classrooms were typically quieter than others but always fun and engaging. That's the way I'd like your children to view home as well.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.daylife.com/image/0csF1Ar6MN5rJ?utm_source=zemanta&utm_medium=p&utm_content=0csF1Ar6MN5rJ&utm_campaign=z1" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.daylife.com/image/0csF1Ar6MN5rJ?utm_source=zemanta&utm_medium=p&utm_content=0csF1Ar6MN5rJ&utm_campaign=z1" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>Now to try an experiment with you. Most people who visit this blog regularly know I have three purposes. One is to promote general ideas of a yet to be published book called <u>Tantrums, Troubles, and Treasures</u>. A second motivation is this blog gives me the opportunity to help others and/or to make a great child/parent even better. Finally, (this is the least known by people) I do it for my kids. I want them to view me as a person who tried to make a difference. When I have to talk about parenting issues three times a week, it makes me be a better parent because I'm forced to remember my roots. My son, Cameron, is also inspired by this blog just like he was when I wrote the book. For example, I've shown him a map of all the places in the world this blog has been read and you should see how his jaw drops. It's priceless! <br />
<br />
Here's my experiment. I hope you find my blog inspires and gives down to earth opinions. The behavior I am looking for from you is to be excited/motivated over what I am trying to do with this blog. Because I love to motivate to garner excitement; here's what's going to happen.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.daylife.com/image/0csF1Ar6MN5rJ?utm_source=zemanta&utm_medium=p&utm_content=0csF1Ar6MN5rJ&utm_campaign=z1" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>I am going to run a contest. If you decide to participate and win, you will be able to choose one of two prizes. The first prize choice is a $25 gift certificate to Outback Steakhouse. It's one of my favorite restaurants so I hope you enjoy. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Outback_Steakhouse.svg" style="clear: left; display: block; float: left; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Outback Steakhouse logo" height="98" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/c/cf/Outback_Steakhouse.svg/250px-Outback_Steakhouse.svg.png" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="250" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 250px;">Image via <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Outback_Steakhouse.svg">Wikipedia</a></span></span>Would doubling the money help? OK! The other prize you can choose is a $50 donation to the charity of your choice. Hopefully, I will learn between now and then how to do it in your name. Wouldn't it feel good to give your favorite charity some extra cheer before the holidays? If you are ready to compete, here are the ways of entering the drawing.<br />
<br />
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span class="zemanta-img separator zemanta-action-dragged"><a href="http://www.daylife.com/image/0csF1Ar6MN5rJ?utm_source=zemanta&utm_medium=p&utm_content=0csF1Ar6MN5rJ&utm_campaign=z1" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="WASHINGTON - MARCH 26: A smiley face was draw..." height="100" src="http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0csF1Ar6MN5rJ/150x100.jpg" style="border: medium none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="150" /></a><span class="zemanta-img-attribution" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; width: 150px;">Image by <a href="http://www.daylife.com/source/Getty_Images">Getty Images</a> via <a href="http://www.daylife.com/">@daylife</a></span></span>1. I would like more friends on Google Connect which is located on the right side of the screen. If you sign up, you will be entered. For the 12 people, excluding my wife, who are already there, you will be automatically entered. <br />
<br />
2. The second way is to leave a comment at the bottom of this post. Now that the box is set for anyone to use, I'd like to know what you think of my motivation ideas. An alternative would be for you to add your own ideas on how you motivate your kids to behave. One comment=one entry to the contest.<br />
<br />
3. Finally, I would like to receive even more parenting questions for the Friday free for all blog. You can email them to tantrumstroublesandtreasures@yahoo.com. Leaving a question will grant another entry. <br />
<br />
Obviously, one person has a total of three chances to win the contest. But, if you know me, there's a catch. I said we were competing, right? I want to play as well but I'm not going to be in the drawing. Here's the idea. The most amount of hits I have received on one blog is 122 achieved this past Monday. While I appreciate this to no ends, I bet if you tell more of your friends about this contest, I can raise even more awareness. Everyone likes to eat and many have a favorite charity. <br />
<br />
I win the contest if this blog receives less than 200 hits. Not to worry though. If I win, I will be choosing the charity option. A $50 check will be written to St. Joseph Children's Home. Without this organization, I wouldn't be the parent I am today and you wouldn't be reading this blog. Based on this condition, I will feel like a winner no matter what. <br />
<br />
My wife told me when she and her siblings were little, they would wrestle their father. The catch was they could never win until they all worked together. The 200 hits idea means you have to work with your fellow readers to beat me. Tell a friend, a family member, or a person you work with. I'm sure if you work together, someone is going to eat well or give a gift to a worthwhile cause. <br />
<br />
Here are some random things I want to clarify before the contest begins.<br />
<br />
1. If you have a common name like Brian or Kim, you had better include the last three letters of your last name to be entered. If you don't do this, I could have winners with the same name and be forced to draw again. <br />
<br />
2. I am not high tech. I've said before my parenting skills are much better than my computer skills. There won't be a live broadcast of the drawing. You'll have to trust that I am playing this game honestly and fairly. Many of my friends will enter I am sure. If someone I know wins, that's the way it goes. If you can't trust me to run an honest contest, please do not play.<br />
<br />
3. The contest ends Friday before I post the free for all blog. Depending on how many entries I have, there is a possibility the winner won't be announced until the published Monday blog. Ideally, I'd like to get the contest over with as quickly as possible so the recipient can have the prize before Christmas.<br />
<br />
4. If you win and choose the charity option, it must be an obvious charity I can easily verify. For example, I won't have questions if you choose The American Red Cross. Contrarily, if you choose The Society of Charity Cheats; there may be a problem. Again, if you do not like these rules, do not enter the contest. I am not cutting a check unless things are clearly on the up and up. <br />
<br />
5. On the day I announce the winner, you have a week to pick your prize and send me contact information (especially if you want the Outback Steakhouse gift card) the winner will be able to email me. If the winner does not respond, another name will be drawn. <br />
<br />
6. Finally, I am sure I haven't thought of everything. Let's be honest- there are probably certain ways this contest can be manipulated/ruined for all who participate by means I haven't anticipated. If that's the case, I can't run another contest like this. Please play fairly and honestly. I want someone to win the gift certificate, donate to a charity of their choice, or give to St. Joseph Children's Home. <br />
<br />
Check back in Friday so I can update you on the contest and enjoy my free for all topic. <br />
<br />
I wish everyone the best of luck!!! <br />
<div class="zemanta-pixie" style="height: 15px; margin-top: 10px;"><img alt="" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=50939dee-528a-4d62-a27b-0b1cb41c9da9" style="border: medium none; float: right;" /></div>Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-23692737142242457172010-12-13T12:55:00.000-04:002010-12-13T12:55:29.366-04:00Who Do You Blame?Welcome to the Monday edition of the parenting blog. Today's topic is who is to blame for today's educational condition. I think a lot of us would agree that our public schools, in general, aren't getting the results we'd like to see. Those of us who can place our children in private schools are going to do so unless the public school around your home is an exception to the rule. My question is simple but the answer may be complicated. Why can't our public schools compete more closely with the private schools? <br />
<br />
The Courier Journal (my local newspaper) ran an interesting article yesterday from the Associated Press. According to the Associated Press-Stanford University poll, 68% percent of adults believed parents should receive "heavy blame" for what's wrong with the US educational system. The other answers that could have been chosen were teachers, school administrators, the government, and teacher's unions. What also struck me as interesting was moms were more likely than dads (72%-61%) to say parents were at fault. Questions and results for this poll are available at surveys.ap.org. <br />
<br />
In 1999, I interviewed for my first teaching position. One of the questions I received from the panel was "what would you do if an irate parent came into your classroom and started using profanity." The reason this story comes to mind is even before I was hired; parents were being posed as a potential problem. For the record, a parent never pulled that on me. But, it must have happened to someone or it would have been unlikely a question like that would have been asked. <br />
<br />
Looking at the list of possibilities on the survey, there is a lot of blame to go around in my opinion. Here's a brief analysis as to why.<br />
<br />
1. Parents- They set the tone before a child ever enters a classroom. Trust me. It doesn't take long for me to figure out which parents work with their children academically and who doesn't. Also, parents can either work with a teacher, be non-committal, or work against a teacher. I can say with certainty that if the attitude is anything but the first option, a child is more likely going to have problems in school.<br />
<br />
Here's a shocking statistic. According to Attendance Counts which is an advocacy group, 1 in 10 kindergarten and first grade students misses a month of school every year. This would obviously be an example of working against a teacher. The most consistent manner parents worked against me was not following through with homework. Every time one kid did their homework and another didn't; it only widened the achievement gap. <br />
<br />
2. Teachers- The problem with teachers (especially new ones) is they are on an island. What I mean is there is not a great deal of support. I didn't understand how bad it was until my son attended kindergarten at a private school. The teachers really had their act together from day 1 because they worked so closely together. When my oldest son transferred to his current school, I saw the exact same thing. My child's teachers implement school wide discipline rules (which actually have bite ), the same homework, tests, and classwork. I was a good disciplinarian in the classroom so behavior wasn't an issue; but I sometimes wonder how much better my teaching skills would have been if I worked in the private school environment- especially early in my career.<br />
<br />
3. School Administrators- This is a bit tricky for me. As far as principals go, they didn't have nearly as much power as an outsider may assume. Not only that; but they didn't have a union to fall back on. Principals I worked with did as they were told because they could be easily replaced. I honestly question how many original ideas my principals implemented in their respective schools. I could even make an argument I had more autonomy than they had because of my union. This may not be the best example but it's almost like blaming a private in the armed services for following through with an order from a commander. For example, how can I blame a principal for making us teach material they would have tweaked/changed if they could have? When materials are bought by a school district, they are expected to be used. Because test scores were low, administrators didn't have a leg to stand on. They were yes men/women. <br />
<br />
Analyzing higher administration, they choose a lot of programs which were different than the way most people reading this blog learned. There was a lot of pressure to try something different because children were falling behind 10/20 years ago. They abandoned subjects such as cursive handwriting and phonics. They were replaced by word walls and inventive spelling (spelling the way a word sounds versus the true spelling).<br />
<br />
One of the math programs I was required to teach was called Investigations. Manipulatives were used to solve problems as opposed to writing problems with a pencil and paper. It seemed to me that problems occurred when students took standardized tests because--wait for it---the tests used pencil and paper. Also, because the students didn't have the manipulatives at home, assigning homework was pretty difficult.<br />
<br />
4. The government- I didn't mind the federal government when I was a teacher. President Bill Clinton helped pass legislation that dropped class sizes from 24 to 18 students at Title 1 schools. This enabled me to key in better on struggling students. I also had good assistants working with me which was a real help. When I transferred to a non-title one school, my class size shot back up and my assistant help was very limited. In theory, I was working with more skilled students. Truthfully, this wasn't always the case. <br />
<br />
When No Child Left Behind was implemented in 2001, pipe dreams took the place of realistic expectations at the federal level. I believe overall test scores from schools across the country back up this opinion. Children continue to be left behind (by federal standards) at an alarming rate. For those interested in the goals and progress, I found this study interesting. http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/2007/RAND_RB9303.pdf <br />
On a state wide level ( I reside in Kentucky), there was a lot of pressure to bring test scores up. There were small pockets of success but most of it was a complete failure. I mentioned in an earlier blog that our state wide test was dropped. The reason given was money. The truth is a lot of schools were not even close to achieving the required goals. There was going to be egg on the face of many officials if they didn't discontinue the test. <br />
<br />
5. Teacher's unions- The biggest knock on them from what I've heard and read over the years is they won't get rid of bad teachers. This is indeed the case. But there is a reason. Union members pay dues which include legal services if there is a need. Of course, this rarely happens. But if, for instance, a school got rid of a teacher because they stunk at teaching and the union didn't fight for that teacher, they could be sued by the teacher. If a teacher is totally inept, they can be potentially transferred but letting them go is probably not going to happen unless there's a case of abuse. This is especially true if a teacher has tenure. I received tenure after my third year as best I remember. Had I proven enough at that point to be virtually untouchable? You make the call. <br />
<br />
So there you have it. Who or what do you want to blame? Do you like the list or is there something else that hasn't been mentioned. I'd love to know what you think and now that my comment box is working, you will have your chance. Do you agree with the moms and dads surveyed in this poll that parents are to receive "heavy blame" for what's wrong with the US educational system?<br />
<br />
I hope you come back Wednesday to read my behavior blog. I want to show you how I can influence the behavior of children to get the results I want. The way I am going to attempt this is by influencing YOUR behavior. We'll see how I do. It should be a lot of fun!<br />
<br />
All the best,<br />
<br />
ClayClayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-39981672055238163052010-12-10T12:34:00.000-04:002010-12-10T12:34:22.810-04:00The Story of Susan and AnneToday's free for all blog is one I have really looked forward to writing. It's about a woman in West Virgina who I'll call Susan. For all my new followers, I don't like to give a lot of identifying information about my readers because I respect their privacy. Keeping identifying information private will lead other parents to trust me with their delicate situations. One person's question could help many other people with the same problem. It's for this reason if you send me a parenting question, I will handle it with great care. <br />
<br />
Susan, in essence, had many questions. If I had to sum up her questions, it might read, "what am I supposed to do with this child?" Susan has a daughter named "Anne" who was a real mess. Anne is 4 years old but has got temper tantrums down to an art. She had a "potty" mouth, liked to throw things, hollered, scratched, and be generally unpleasant when things didn't go her way. To make matters worse, Susan had a mother who would tend to meddle and compromise Susan's authority. Also, Susan is in school studying the social sciences. I certainly applaud her but it is an added stress. Also, Susan does have a partner named "Alan" but I don't know if he is a live in boyfriend, if they are engaged, etc...<br />
<br />
The first time I chatted with Susan on the phone, she was a bit rattled. She explained so many different problems that I would have needed a notebook handy to remember everything. She gave me the impression that little was going right with her child and she was at her wits end. What Susan didn't quite realize is that she had three things going for her. Before reading on, if you are having troubles with your child, try to grasp good things that are going on. It can potentially make your problems seem more manageable. Here are the three good things I believed Susan had. <br />
<br />
1. Alan seemed to be a real help. From what little I know, he seemed to be really trying to make a positive difference for Susan and Anne. For example, I know he's employed and I know he tries to be involved with discipline. <br />
<br />
2. Susan had an open mind. Those who think they know everything can not be helped. Though I am the author of a parenting book and blog, I'm not above listening and learning new things. Susan was an excellent listener as well. She listened to my reasoning, subsequently asked for clarification, and challenged me for new ideas. I know Susan had looked for help from others as well. She seemed to be taking everyone's advice while trying to make the best decisions for her family. That's a winning strategy.<br />
<br />
3. Susan had me to lean on for help. I'm not bragging but I'd been through every war Susan was fighting. In the areas Susan was having problems, I am, shall we say, "battle tested." It's a product of working with 400+ kids. When any parent is having problems, there needs to be a mentor/partner to lean on. It's been my experience that the hardest battle a person will ever fight in parenting is the one they fight alone.<br />
<br />
I decided the best way to help Susan was to give general pointers but really attack one problem hard instead of attacking all the problems at once. The problem I attacked was bedtime. Susan didn't have any kind of solid routine with Anne. I may use bedtimes in a future blog so I don't want to harp on it now. I will say that having a bedtime routine has many advantages. I explained Luke's bedtime routine to Susan and told her to use the ideas she was comfortable with. Basically, Luke takes a bath, puts on his PJ's, brushes his teeth (with parental help), reads a story (with both parents- separately), and goes to bed with the book previously read and his aquarium turned on. The process starts around 6:30pm and ends between 7:15pm-7:30pm.<br />
<br />
At last check, Susan didn't copy my routine exactly; but that was never the point. The point is she needed to start HER routine and stick with it. What happened though over time was amazing. I only worked hard on night time behavior but things started to change during the day as well. For example, the last time I heard from Susan, Anne hadn't even had a time out in previous three days. The tantrums had also ceased. This could have been because the child was getting enough sleep or maybe Susan felt more empowered/confident during the day and the child reacted in a positive way. I don't honestly care about the reason for the turnaround. What I do care about is that the family can look at each other as less of a trouble and more of a treasure.<br />
<br />
One overriding theme I heard from Susan was how she had "mistakes" in raising Anne in the past. For example, over a period of time, Susan placed Anne's grandmother in the role of a parent as opposed to letting her be the grandmother. The way I see it, grandparents have already had their turn being day to day moms and dads. Though I'm never opposed to grandparents helping/being involved, they should not be leaned on to the point of making them the unofficial parent. I am guilty of doing this when Cameron was younger. It led to problems with my mom. Like Susan, I originally thought the ensuing problems were the fault of my mom. When I analyzed the situation more carefully; I realized the fault was mine for placing my mother in that position.<br />
<br />
Susan seemed to me to have a complex over her past mistakes. I felt like having this complex was compromising her ability to be an effective parent today. No matter what mistakes she had made, it was time to get over it, deal with today, learn from the past, and most importantly; move on. Though I can't say definitively that's what happened, her actions seemed to suggest it. There's an old saying that you can't cry over spilled milk and I, for one, believe it.<br />
<br />
Over time, Susan may have more problems with Anne. Everyone else with children will as well. But I believe she is up for the challenge and may prove to be a parent other children would be envious to have. I wish her continued success and I hope all of my readers can learn something positive from Susan's story.<br />
<br />
On Monday, I will be writing an education blog. I have several different topics to cover but will take the weekend to decide which I will attack next.<br />
<br />
Finally, I know I may sound like a broken record but I would appreciate my readers who found Susan's story of value to pass it along to other parents. This blog is growing and you are the reason. Many thanks!!! <br />
<br />
Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-86071665326853432652010-12-08T12:21:00.000-04:002010-12-08T12:21:15.154-04:00Building for the FutureToday's behavior blog is going to be a little different. Instead of talking about what has worked for me and my children in the past, I want to talk about the future.<br />
<br />
Building relationships with children not only pays dividends now; but for an indefinite time when it comes to behavior. Once the relationships are built; it's also easier to motivate, encourage,and discipline children. I also want to create memories for Cameron and Luke that will last forever. This evening, I will be taking another step.<br />
<br />
Though Cameron doesn't know it yet; he is going to have an after school surprise. Tonight, I am going to take him to see the University of Kentucky Wildcats versus the Notre Dame Fighting Irish basketball game. This will be a huge treat and I can't wait to see the reaction on his face when he finds out. <br />
<br />
We won't get home until extremely late so the odds are he is going to miss school Thursday as well. If you've read my prior blogs, you may think I have officially lost my mind. What about routines? What about education? What about perfect attendance?<br />
<br />
I have 5th row seats and could have taken anybody to this game. I chose Cameron because of all he's done and all the dividends it will pay. He's more than earned the right to break free of the routine for one evening. I'm not worried about him missing school because he's approximately two years above grade level. As far as perfect attendance, that was never my goal. My goal is for Cameron to be as bright as possible and look back on his childhood with the fondest of memories. <br />
<br />
I think we can agree that Cameron will have a super time with me at the game. These "moment builders" will pay off as they always have. Because I occasionally take him to these surprise events; do you realize how easy it is for me to get him to sit down and do extra homework? It's one thing for me to "force" him to do it but it's another for him to have full cooperation. Part of the reason he works so hard for me is because of what I do for him. He loves and trusts me. Cameron knows there will be times I am hard on him; but there are also times he will have rewards out of the blue. That's one of my tricks: I keep him guessing.<br />
<br />
Knowing me, I probably won't tell him at all. One of my favorite ploys is to tell him to "go get ready" out of the blue. When he asks, "for what?" I give him a small smirk and repeat my direction. I doubt if he will find out where he is going until he sees the marquee in front of the stadium.<br />
<br />
When the night is done and both of us recover, Cameron will go back to his routines. We will continue to build his mind and body to the best of our abilities. For one night though, he'll have a large Sprite, a tub of popcorn, and yell with all he's got, "Go Big Blue."<br />
<br />
With all the discipline and structure for children this blog provides, I want you to know there's nothing wrong with doing things out of the ordinary. I'd encourage all of you to do something a bit different with your kids over the next few days. If you can surprise them with the event, that's even better! Check your local newspaper. There's always something going on.<br />
<br />
Can't wait for you to check in for a free for all Friday. I have a story about a parent who asked me a question about her out of control child. Little did I know how a few minutes of my time would impact a person I''ll probably never meet. With all the success/curiosity this blog has generated, one mom's story continues to make this journey incredibly worthwhile.<br />
<br />
All the best!!!Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8400967006708978186.post-86746619416498259982010-12-06T12:46:00.000-04:002010-12-06T12:53:59.871-04:00Reading Between the Lines (Part 2)Finally, it is here. This blog is about three weeks late. I hope the quality of material will make up for the lost time. I also want to welcome my new Facebook and Twitter followers. Shockingly, my little blog has been viewed in 8 different countries. I hope I have written something that has made a difference. I also want to thank people who have shared this blog on Facebook and Twitter. The tabs are on the right hand side of the page for those who would like to do this. Thank you for your support! <br />
<br />
On November 8th, I wrote an important blog that was called Reading Between the Lines. When you have a chance, take a look at it again because it contained the details of what I did to help Cameron skyrocket his reading. The blog today takes a more detailed look; but here were the three basic points.<br />
1. I used a library consistently.<br />
2. I subscribed to a newspaper.<br />
3. I strategically placed books in my home.<br />
<br />
Today, I want to go into some more specific details of what I did and my mindset. Although I am going to refer to Cameron in this blog; the same strategies are being used with my three year old Luke. The difference is Cameron's reading and math have already tested in the top 1% in the country in his age group. It's not fair for me to refer to Luke until he is old enough to be tested.<br />
<br />
The first thing you need to know is all of my strategies were done purposefully. As a former teacher, I always set up my classroom before the kids walked in. As a stay at home dad, it's kind of the same mind set. The hard part is coming up with the plan. Implementing it is pretty easy. There may be reasons you won't think my reading strategies will work in your home. I challenge you though to think of why they might. <br />
<br />
1. Cameron's bedroom is one of the real keys to his reading success. The reason is he has four things in it- a bed, a dresser, some stuffed animals, and a shelf full of books. The bedroom is a place for rest in my mind. It's the place in the house a child should always be able to really relax with their thoughts. TV's, video games, and toys distract the relaxation I am looking for. Cameron has plenty of toys; but they are in the playroom.<br />
<br />
Cameron, like most kids, doesn't always want to go to bed immediately at bedtime. This is what the books are for. During the summer and on weekends, he doesn't have to go to sleep. He can read until he passes out for all I care. Admittedly, there have been nights Cameron has been up later than I'd like. On most nights though, he reads for a few minutes and goes to sleep on his own. Not only do we not have bedtime problems; we are actually allowing him to practice a vital skill. In his mind, he thinks he is getting away with something when he reads and stays up a bit later. In my mind, it was planned all along. <br />
<br />
2. I learned his interests and brought books into my home based on them. Cameron has always had a fascination with garbage trucks. What kind of books do you think periodically pop up in our home? You probably guessed it- books on garbage trucks. I read to him and sometimes he would read them to me. If he wants quality reading time with me, he can always have it. I've bought garbage truck books and I've checked out plenty from the library. The point is I had him reading interesting things to foster more reading. <br />
<br />
Now that he is good at reading, he likes doing it alone. This is a key point. Kids don't want to read by themselves until they have the confidence TOOOOOOOO read by themselves. My general mindset on this point is I want reading to be fun and as easy as possible. As long as I am providing interesting material and my time( if he chooses), I can accomplish these goals. <br />
<br />
3. I realize from my teaching days that reading and decoding are two different things. Decoding means you can say words from a page. Reading is not only saying these words; but "knowing what the heck you are talking about." I actually told this to elementary kids in my classroom every year. It may have not been the most professional way of saying it; but I got the message across. When Cameron reads to me, I like to ask probing questions on what he just read. I don't do it all the time because a kid should sometimes read just for fun and fluency (reading as clearly as you talk). Regardless, it's fun to do at times and a parent can quickly determine whether the reading material is too hard. <br />
<br />
No matter which strategies you choose or whether you have other ones; the important thing is that a reading culture is created. Once that culture is in full gear, good results will follow.<br />
<br />
Finally, my shameless plug. Please pass this blog along to those who would like their children's reading skills to improve. It would be very appreciated. <br />
<br />
All the best and I hope to see you back Wednesday for my behavior blog. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Clayton Thomashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07155849957814523740noreply@blogger.com0