Handling Failure

I am glad to have you back again!  I am noticing some of my parenting questions getting more difficult.  I think some of you out there are trying to test me.  Well, bring it on because I asked for it.  There is an email address on the right side of the screen all questions can be sent to.  If I don't think I can answer your question, I'll send you a return email privately.  Please be patient with me.  I only answer one question per week for now.  On that note, buckle up because this ride will not be pretty. 

Today's question is from "Amy" who asks "How should I respond to my child who has failed at things important to her?"  Amy mentioned grades and a cheer leading team as examples.

First of all, allow me to be blunt- failure stinks.  What I would like to impart to you is our children do not have the same mental capacity to handle a failing situation like most of us do as adults.  There were times when I was a kid that I failed and my mom (God bless her) would give me the ol shake it off speech in one way or another.  "Shake it off Clay.  It will be just fine."  Another line used more than once went something like, "It won't even matter when you are an adult." (But mom, I am only 11)

I'm not angry in the least at my mom but the truth is she didn't know what to do or what to say.  I would be willing to bet there are a lot of parents who mean well just like my mom but don't know what to do as well.

The first glimpse I had at looking at what was perceived as failure through the eyes of a child came at St. Joseph Children's Home.  I'll guarantee few parents who read this will understand failure like a child who goes through an adoption fair, doesn't get "picked" and watches one of his buddies who does.  I won't get into the process but it goes on for quite a while before the adopted kid actually leaves.  Therefore, everyday the "chosen" kid is still at the home is a reminder for the unpicked child.

Some of the children in these cases were inconsolable for a while. It was really hard on me personally to watch these things happen even if I was happy for the newly adopted child.  This was especially true when a kid looked right in my eyes and asked that familiar question, "Why couldn't it have been me?"  Another of my heart wrenching "favorites" was "What's wrong with me?"

I told you that story because I had a general response/attitude that worked for me in these dire times and I hope it works for you as well.  My response was something like "I know things didn't work out for you but I'm right here and I think the world of you."  The only reason this worked for me was because the relationship I had with certain kids was top notch.  Anything less, and the kids would have interpreted my words as pure B.S.  In these moments, that is the last thing a kid needs.

When it comes to Amy and her question.  Grades come and go but if they are important to the child, then they should be to you.  Let's pretend, for example, we are talking about a math grade.  I would display a nurturing attitude with a tough undertone (because that is my nature).  Here's how this would look.     

I'd put my arms around Amy's kid and let her cry.  When she was finished, I'd let the child know how smart she is and that we were going to work through this problem together.  In the ensuing days though, if I ever saw the kid slacking on the math work, I wouldn't be quite as nurturing.  I'd give subtle reminders of how that math grade made her feel and encourage her to stay focused.

Cheerleading is pretty much the same story.  Any time a child doesn't make a team, it is devastating because of (1) the feelings of failure for not making the team and (2) having to face the peers at school who did.  Although the math grade may be more important to you as a parent, the cheerleading problem may be harder in the eyes of the child.  After all, the math grade is private.

It is not easy to face the girls who beat you in school

I'd like to know why she didn't make the team by talking to the coach.  (Don't pressure the coach to include the child on the team).  Find out what she can improve on and attack the weaknesses if the child is willing.  If not, it may be a good idea to find another sport which she is better suited.  Let the choice be hers.

As all of us know, failure is a part of life.  No one succeeds at everything.  But, the effective parent will get down on the child's level, help them through the pain, and teach towards the future.


Thanks to all who stopped by today.  If you think this post is worthy please pass it along to another family.  

This Monday, I will be back with an education blog.  I am going to write the illusionists piece I premised last Friday and some similarities they have with teachers. Break out your magic wands and hidden keys and I'll see you Monday.    

Competing for Mama

Today's behavior blog will focus on the relationship some children have with their mothers. In my home, the boys really like their mommy time.  I used to joke that when my oldest son was smaller, he was mommyfied.  (I know spell check- it's not really a word)  The competition for mom's time is fierce.  They are competing with dads, the television, the internet, the phone, and their siblings.  What is it about mothers?   More specifically, what is it about mothers versus fathers when it comes to competing for time?

Even as a stay at home dad, the boys competition over mama is much greater than their competition for my time.  For example, I could be on the phone 20 minutes without being disturbed.  My wife can't be on the phone 20 seconds before I am shooing a child away from her.  One may think I could be sore about this lack of gripping attention.  Quite the contrary.  I could have guessed this would have happened even before I had kids because I saw the same things at St. Joseph Children's Home.

There's something about moms and their ability to connect with small children.  One of my theories is that it has to do with affection.  It could be that mom is home more or that when she is home, more of her time is spent touching children (in appropriate manners).  At. St. Joseph's we had some strong willed women who could show affection as well.  They were dedicated and really knew their business. Children gravitated to them especially in time of need.  As a matter of fact, in our youngest department with kids ranging in age from 3 to 5, I would approximate women logged over 95% of the hours.  


What's interesting to note is that when I worked alone, the children would open up in the exact same manner when they needed anything.  But, they didn't compete for my time.  This also held true in the classroom where I obviously worked alone.  In other words, I didn't have children crying for their moms when I was teaching.  Although I wasn't out to win any popularity contests, most of my students really liked me.  This has led me to believe that while children will take affection from dad, there are times they would rather have it from mom if there is a choice. 

Bill Cosby performing "Himself."

These beliefs reminds me of an old Bill Cosby comedy routine which spoke to the power of moms.  Basically, he said he was hoping for a son to be a great football player one day.  Many hours would be spent working with the kid to be the best he could be.  Due to the time and hard work, the kid could go on to a major university, score a touchdown, stare into the television camera afterward, and yell, "Hi mom!"  The stumped look on Cosby's face will forever be etched in my mind.


I've always felt there was a lot of truth to be garnered from that skit.  Moms are special and I've never met a man who could really take their place. Even though the opposite is true as well, I've never actually witnessed children competing for a dad's time or at least not nearly on the same level.  Keep in mind I know there are homes out there where this precisely happens but with all my experience, I would have assumed seeing it by now. 


I believe my boys would perch on my wife's legs all day if we would let them.  The only time they have ever been disciplined for hanging on mom too much is when I can tell she's getting a bit tired of it.  (Even then, I'm not too hard on the boys).  The only thing that bothers me from time to time is with all the competition for mom's attention; I worry mom doesn't win often enough.  By that I mean if other mothers are like my wife, when do you carve the time and place all the attention on yourself?  At. St. Joseph's, it was different because the house parents were compensated employees.  All the house parents (outside of myself and a couple of other ladies) also had their own homes.

As a dad, I really feel one of my roles is to encourage and prop up my wife on the highest pedestal possible.  Of course, she will read this and get emotional (because her husband is so great) but the truth is I have an alternative motive.  I want my boys to have the deepest respect and love for their mom because in some way, it translates to being a good man, a good husband, and one day, a good father. If this means competing and /or clinging on to my wife for a small period of time in their lives, so be it.  These days won't last forever.  One day, the competition will be over and, in the end, all of us will hopefully be winners.

I guess the lesson in the end to all parents but especially to the dads- be patient with your kids.  Back away from time to time and let the kids have their time with mom.  But when you see your better half getting a little tired, be there to peel the kids away for a while.  This is a competition after all.  The kids do not get to win every time. (wink) 

All my best to parents and children who still cling to their momma's legs (figuratively and literally). I'll be interested to read the comments.  I'd like to know if there is a competition for mama in your home and how it is handled.

I read an interesting parenting question I would like to answer on Friday. The general topic concerns kids failing and how it has been handled on the children I have worked with.  I look forward to having you back on this road of tantrums, troubles, and treasures. (or as my father in law calls it: t-cubed)

One final note: If you know any parents who have small children who "compete for mama," please consider passing this blog along.  I certainly hope it helps by letting them know they are not alone. 

Is it OK to Lie to My Kids

Happy Friday to all of you.  I'm so pleased you have come back to my blog to read this intriging topic from a person I'll call Joan.  As I was thinking about the answer to today's question, I felt like I was going through a minefield.  It seemed at every turn, I would make an argument that would eventually blow up.  Hopefully though, I've thought this out well enough. Joan (and all of you) can make your own decisions as to whether I am correct.   

Perhaps the best way to start is to lay out my definition of a lie. Therefore, according to Dictionary.com, a lie is "A false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive."

Joan had some good points to be considered.  She wants her children to know that lying is not the right thing to do.  I would think most of us would agree with that.  She also thought she was being hypocritical if she lied to her kids but enforced the fact that her kids should not lie.   

I may be making a bold statement but I would bet a vast majority of my readers have or will lie to their children for some reason.  For example, who places money under their child's pillow when they loose a tooth?  How about who comes sliding down the chimney on December 25th?  Finally, who is the best parenting blog writer on the planet? (all right, I made the last one up) While I realize I have readers all over the world, I hope you get my point even if you don't participate in these particular falsehoods.

The prior examples are what I call lies of innocence-  We tell "stories" to our children to celebrate a certain time or event on their level.  While I understand that it is still lying by definition, I don't believe there is any harm.  Therefore, you can bet that the Easter bunny will be making a stop at my house in April. 

Image via Wikipedia

There are other lies though which aren't so innocent.  Several months ago, I was told a story by a "friend" which really bothered me.  Basically, this person's mother lied to my friend about who their father really is. This person didn't find out the truth until her adult years and has understandably been very bitter since.   

In my opinion, lying and whether it is OK can be found in the circumstances.  (Now we are getting in the deep weeds because everyone has to define their own circumstances). Although I am not big into lying to children, I can certainly recognize situations as to why it is done.  Except for the lies of innocence, I've often told children I would rather tell the truth and hurt their feelings rather than lie.  For the most part, I've stuck with it over the years and haven't regretted it yet. 

I will say that for any of us, we are taking a risk when we lie even if it is a lie of innocence.  The risk is that we will eventually be caught. If and when that happens, will the modeling we have perpetrated rub off on our kids? In other words, will they believe it is all right to lie based on what we have modeled?  Also, will our overall credibility with our kids be less?  If so, how can we teach future lessons they will listen to and follow?  Finally, as in my prior example concerning the lie about my friends dad, will the lie(s) cause severe harm to the relationship with our children?   

I'd like to believe I select my lies carefully.  While I am the guy singing the accolades about the tooth fairy, I wouldn't tell my kids on a hot summer day, "when the ice cream man passes and his bell is ringing; that means he is all out."  Some people may not believe there is a difference because lying is lying.  In the end, it really is a personal decision.

To sum it up for Joan, is it ok to lie to your kids?  Probably not.  But, I don't think when my children learn the truths behind some of the little lies, it will affect them or their ability to tell the truth due to the nature of the lie. Only time will tell if I am right and that's no lie.


On Monday, I will be throwing an education blog your way.  Over the weekend, I would like you to think of your favorite magicians/illusionists. Their "escapes" from situations are pretty amazing, aren't they?  I'm going to compare these performers with teachers in some of your kids classrooms.

Have some fun with your family this weekend and I'll see you Monday!

How Do I Know

Today's question actually came from a friend several month's ago.  "Rick" and his wife have an infant son.  Rick is a great guy but tends to worry (like many parents) and sometimes that worry leads to asking loaded questions.  Rick's specific question to me was "How do I know if I am doing a good job (being a father)?" Though today's answer applies to fatherhood, women should take note.  Many of the things I am going to talk about applies to mothers as well.  Therefore, I am going to direct my answer to Rick towards parents in general.

The reason I call this a loaded question is it depends on what one's definition of a good parent is.  I gave him an answer that sufficed for the time being.  I wanted to share that answer but I also wanted to expand on it because I've had several months to think about it since.  Keep in mind this is a blog not a book.  I'm certain to leave out some important details and that's where you come in.  If you believe after reading this I left something out, feel free to add it to the comments section at the bottom of the post.

One of the keys in assessing Rick's "job" performance occurred when he questioned himself.  Reflection is a big theme in my Tantrums, Troubles, and Treasures book and it certainly applies here.  I wonder if Rick is trying to model himself after someone else and if so, how is he doing?  Before I get any trailblazers piping up, remember that parenting has been going on since the beginning on man.  Odds are most of your good (and bad) ideas with kids have probably been used by someone before you.  As for me, I've modeled myself after specific men and women from St. Joseph Children's Home.  It is a good thing I listened and learned because I did not grow up with a father. 

Another key is what are you providing to your child to help him/her grow?  I'm sure there are many things but some that come to mind are religious beliefs, time, finances, love, caring, education, understanding, discipline, sympathy, and direction.  Generally speaking, parents would claim they provide these things so let's push the idea.  Which areas are your weakest and should be attacked now?   When you figure out that answer and attack it, you're doing a better job as a parent already.

The truth, in the end, as to how you are doing as a parent can be seen in the eyes of your child.  As they are growing up, are they reflecting the values you are teaching them?  Are they someone to be modeled by other children; or someone to be avoided?  Are they respectful to all adults and specifically, their mother?  These answers can be found quickly.  All a parent has to do is pay attention.  Another piece of the puzzle is once you find the answers, do you settle or do you continue to parent and build upon these traits.

Image via WikipediaPossibly this story will sum it up best.  I remember hearing about a 1964 Supreme Court case (Jacobellis v. Ohio) where they were talking about whether a movie was pornographic.  I am paraphrasing but Justice Potter Stewart said, "I can't define pornography; but I know it when I see it."  When you see good parenting occurring, take mental notes and apply them when the time is right.  Many times, the "job" of a parent is to read, react, and regroup.  I'm sure if you can accomplish this, not only are you a good parent but you're going to get better every day.

My next blog will be posted Monday and it will focus on an educational theme.  Until then, have a great weekend!

A Good Problem to Have

I hope everyone is having a terrific day.  We are approaching another weekend where many of us will be involved watching our children play their various sports.  It's in this context that I will answer another parenting question.  Although the blog will focus on school age children, even if you have younger ones- pay attention.  You may be fortunate enough to have this problem one day. 

The dad, who I will call Mike, is married with 3 children.  The kids are doing great academically (mostly A's sprinkled with a B here and there).  Athletically, they are also doing well- especially the middle child (So far, it seems like I need Mike's advice).

Here are the concerns.  Mike's kids work extremely hard and he wants to know how to maximize their abilities without burning them out.  My interpretation of the email was he was especially worried about this happening athletically. Mike doesn't want to push his children to the breaking point.  He singled out his middle child who is very gifted. Mike wonders about this child playing sports with his age group because he would be so much better versus playing against older children so he wouldn't always be the best on his team. He's also wondering if there are burn out signs to look for.  My first reaction to this email was (I hope my readers are slowly enjoying a cup of coffee because this might take a while). 

Before you read on, please take a second to think how you would answer Mike's question.  If you would like to help Mike, feel free by adding a comment at the bottom.

I hope Mike along with all of my readers know I'm not one to tell people what to do (on most occasions) but I will give you some things to think about.  Therefore, I'm not going to tell Mike which age group he should allow his middle child to participate.  The point is I want Mike to make the best decision for his family.

Three questions came to my mind that Mike should answer in the privacy of his home.  What are the goals for the children?  What's the point?  Who's calling the shots?

What are the goals for the children?  By this I mean what does Mike hope to achieve when his children play sports?  Is it physical fitness, learning teamwork skills, an athletic scholorship, a professional career, etc?  Knowing the goals will help Mike choose a path.  For example, if his kids only played for fun, they wouldn't get burned out until it wasn't fun anymore.  Contrarily, an athletic scholorship requires a lot of drive, extra time on the ball fields, and a commitment to excellence.  When thinking about the goals, everyone had better be on board.  (Specifically Mike's wife and the children)

Understand, I don't mind how Mike's family approaches sports of choice as long as the children's grades remain high.  What troubles me is when I see parents who dog their kids repeatedly over a sport. It often means they are trying to get their kids to accomplish something in sports they didn't have the ability to accomplish.  Sports are supposed to be an outlet for the children- not the parents.  

What's the point?    Most parents (including myself) want to see their kids excel in sports- but why?  Is Mike looking for his children to develop self confidence, a sense of pride, and/or friendship with the other players?

Could there also be a slightly darker point?  I talk in depth in my book that some of my former coaches had only one point- winning.  We are talking about amateur athletics.  If a parent's or coaches sole point is to win, that could be a problem.  The pressure for any child to always win may be enough to drive him/her out of the sport.

I think Mike is safe if he genuinely didn't care how his kids performed in a sport as long as they tried their best and had fun.  Sometimes as a parent, it's wise to tell yourself to "back off" and it isn't easy-especially if your child excels.

Who's calling the shots?  I would like Mike to be as encouraging as he wants.  In the end though, let the children make up their mind on how far they want to go with sports.   The truth is there is only a miniscule chance the kids will be playing next to Kobe Bryant or Derek Jeter in the future.  More likely than not, the children will need to use their brains to earn the same things Mike has in life (a college degree, stable income, and great kids).

As far as pushing kids to the breaking point and signs to look for, that's a bit tough for me because I don't think I've pushed a child that hard.  Therefore, I haven't seen it firsthand. Subtle changes in behavior or attitude may be something to watch for.  One question I would have for Mike is this. "Does quality time with your kids revolve around anything besides sports?"  Truthfully, if Mike does lots of activities outside sports with his kids, the odds of burning them out on sports would be minimal in my opinion. 

Keep this in mind as well.  If Mike is a strong authority figure in his house, I wouldn't expect his children to come to him and explain that they need a break or they no longer wanted to play a particular sport.  It probably wouldn't happen because of the mere possibility of disappointing their father.  That's why looking for more subtle changes is important.

Depending on their family dynamic, if Mike's wife happens to be more sensitive than him (as is the case in my home), she may be a valuable resource.  I believe Mike should consider expressing his concerns to her, explain he really needs her help, and tell her to let him know if the children are giving her some negative vibes.  This only will work though if Mike promises not to argue when she speaks up.  Any arguing could result in Mike losing the one resource that can help keep his fears in check.   

Let's get this straight as well.  As long as Mike continues to quietly monitor himself, it's less likely the kids will burn out.  Just by writing me this email, I have the feeling Mike is already accomplishing this. 

 I hope my general thoughts and questions help. I want Mike and all my readers to have all the fun you can watching your kids play the sports they love.  Be encouraging and only push as long as the children express an interest in being pushed.  It's a special time so savor every minute of it and allow your children to do the same thing!

If you happen to enjoy today's blog, please pass it around to some other parents who would like it as well.  Thanks so much!!!

On Monday, I'll be back with an education blog. There are several topics I have in mind.  Hopefully, it will be worth the wait.   

Guilty Mom Complex

Hello to all!!!  Pardon me while I catch my breath.  I happened to look at my stats before deciding to write this blog and discovered you made Wednesday's blog (Sowing Seeds) the top hit blog I have ever written.  Remember the contest involving 200 hits?  You actually did it!  Couple that with the fact that the month of December had more total hits by far than my first two months combined and what you have left is---a speechless blogger.  OK, not completely speechless; but you get my drift.  Thank you for reading my blog and passing it along to other parents!  Now, let's get down to business.

Promise I found this movie poster AFTER writing I was "speechless"

As a lot of us know, Friday's are saved for questions from parents and today I have a chosen a difficult one.  A mom I'll call "Barb" asks, "How can I not feel guilty as a mom because I can't do it all?"  Barb is married, works full time, and has 3 children.   She feels she never has the time to accomplish all the things she wants to do in her professional and personal life.

Barb's story and general question is all too familiar for a lot of us- not just moms. Some of us struggle to put in the time needed at work with the time wanted at home.  Keeping the house clean, maintaining a social life, and spending quality time with our children/spouse is hard.  Oh, I almost forgot that some of us would like to do more volunteer work in our places of worship or communities.  The burden can feel very heavy at times.   

The first thing I want Barb to know is "doing it all" is a myth.  Seriously, how many people does anyone know who can really "do it all?"  I can't think of one.  While I'll admit some of us do a better job than others, no one is perfect. 

Placing pressure on yourself to do it all is an exercise in futility.  I do believe though placing a little pressure on yourself is a good thing so let's redirect that pressure into something a bit more manageable.

For example, let's say you don't think you are spending enough time with the kids.  I would challenge you to know exactly how much time you DO spend with your kids.  If you would like more time, here are some ideas.

1.  Pull your kid out of school during your lunch break.  If this idea doesn't appeal to you, how about eating lunch at their school?  Clear it with teachers if you pull your kid out of school so you can figure out the best time to do it (as not to interfere with quizzes- tests).

2  Another idea is to schedule kids similar to meetings at work.  Many of us have a calender which is typically full.  Block out time purposely to know what you are going to do with your kids and how long it's going to take.  Unless there's an unavoidable crisis at work, don't reschedule your kids.  Take this as seriously as you do any other meeting or you may not be as likely to follow through. 

3.  Keep your kids involved in activities with you at home.  Instead of you making dinner for the family- let the family work together to make the dinner.  This creates more family time and saves you from having to do it all.

I could go over countless problems overworked and overstressed moms and dads have like Barb; but here's another piece of advice that may help.  On a piece of paper, prioritize what is important to you right now, what can wait, and what you can delegate.

For example, my wife and I are having a New Years Eve party.  The problem is I am raising and educating my kids, marketing a book, and writing this blog.  I don't have time to do (above and beyond) cleaning.  Regardless, I wrote a small list this morning of simple things I could do while the kids were occupied.  

At 12:00, I decided to bake the boys a pizza for lunch. The plan was to clean some things while it was baking and while they were eating.  Sound easy enough?

Well, it was easy until I glanced over and saw my oven on fire!  Although I didn't write it down, I knew the priority was to drop the cleaning supplies and put the fire out.  I am thankful I caught the problem in time.  My house is fine and no one was hurt.  Thinking about this story, here is my question.  What fires are going on in your life that have to be extinguished?  It's simply called prioritizing.  When you stretch yourself too thin, you'll feel like you've accomplished little and the fires will still roar on.  

Here's a final thought to illustrate the point.  There were only two things I really focused on as an elementary school teacher in the public schools- reading and math.  If everything else in the day didn't go well, I could accept that.  I didn't have the same attitude about weekly faculty meetings, didn't care about the state (of Kentucky) and what they do to teachers in bottom tier schools with low test scores, and didn't care about what other teachers gossiped. 

When children can read and perform math problems, they can do almost anything academically. But if kids can't do those two things, they won't make it in the classroom or in life.  Low reading and math skills were the fires I tried to put out every day.

To Barb and all of my guilt filled moms and dads: please lighten up a bit, prioritize what's important, and have a fantastic 2011.  Now, if you don't mind, I have some cleaning that needs to be done.    

Sowing Seeds

Buckle up early for this blog because I'm jumping in head first!

The kids I've worked with in my life have looked up to me the same way your kids look up to you.  It didn't matter if it was St. Josephs Children's Home, as a public school teacher, or my own kids.  Being the authority figure and acting like the authority figure are two different things though.  For example, a teacher may BE the authority figure the kids are supposed to look up to; but if they don't ACT like the authority figure, respect over time is lost.

The reason I made this distinctions is because we, as authority figures, have a golden opportunity with our kids.  As long as they respect us, they will take our words and actions to be meaningful and trusted.  Because of this simple fact, here's the plan.  Let's encourage kids to achieve heights they never thought they could. 

Kids are looking to us right now for help!

At  St. Joseph's Children's Home, we worked a lot on behavior because that was a major factor in getting a child ready to be in a  foster home or better yet- adopted.   Because kids there looked up to me (along with many other super house parents) I used to praise them to no end for good behavior.  The various forms of praise from me were the seeds sown.  On the flip side, I didn't baby them when they behaved poorly.  I had a clear goal of where I wanted them behaviorally even if they had lost some hope for ever being adopted. For some children, the goal was achieved but I worked tirelessly for years in order for that dream to be realized by all.

Another example could be found when I was teaching.  In the classroom, kids would sometimes tell me they couldn't read.  Those were fighting words in my classroom.  I would go out of my way over time to prove to them they COULD read but they needed to practice to get better.  Since I was the authority figure, I could sow those seeds within a child and eventually have them reading at a higher level over time.

Don't get me wrong.  Sowing seeds doesn't always work.  But, it's not my job to know when this tactic will work and when it won't.  It's my job to command the respect of children so when I sow the seeds, they have a chance of "sprouting."

Here's an example of a time your humble blogger apparently failed.  This story occurred on a picturesque fall day.  My son, Cameron, and I were driving to one of his tennis lessons. I remember pumping him up saying things like "let's really concentrate today" and "hit the ball like your coach taught you."  I also threw in "you can beat those kids even if they are a little older."  In my own mind, I sounded like General Patton pumping up the troops.  In other words, the seeds were clearly sown and greatness was sure to follow.  It was at this point that Cameron exclaimed out of the blue, "Look daddy, there's a bird in that nest!"

For the record, Cameron played fine that day.  Regardless, I'm not sure anything I said registered at the time;  but that's not the point.  I tried to do what I could to encourage Cameron to play his best tennis. 

It's not only your choice when to sow the seeds; but what seeds are to be sown and how often.  Though my tennis example with Cameron may prove it doesn't always work, I will guarantee there are many times it does. In order to get the best out of kids, they have to have confidence.  Though parents sowing seeds is not the entire equation for a child to excel, it's certainly an important step.

On a final note, any parent who has a child's respect can also fall victim to sowing negative seeds.  If, for example, I told my children they were ugly, dumb, inferior to others, or not very good at something, they would completely believe me.  All parents should watch their words very carefully because the consequences are potentially devastating.  I once heard long ago, "don't be the parent who thinks they know how the book ends before the final chapter is even written." Even if your child isn't the best at something (and whose child is) it's still important to make them feel good about themselves and what they are doing. 

We want our children to be happy.  We want the best for them. Together, let's sow seeds to give our kids every chance to achieve these things.

My next blog will be this Friday, I have several interesting parenting questions to choose from. If you have a parenting question, it can be sent to tantrumstroublesandtreasures@yahoo.com.

Take care of yourselves and your families and please don't forget to pass this along to other parents!!!